Pastor Search Committee Report

In our search for a suitable pastor, the following scratch sheet was developed for your perusal. Of the candidates investigated by the committee, only one was found to have the necessary qualities. The list contains the names of the candidates and comments on
each, should you be interested in investigating them further for future pastoral placements.

  • Noah: He has 120 years of preaching experience, but no converts.
  • Moses: He stutters; and his former congregation says he loses his temper over trivial things.
  • Abraham: He took off to Egypt during hard times. We heard that he got into trouble with the authorities and then tried to lie his way out.
  • David: He is an unacceptable moral character. He might have been considered for minister of music had he not ‘fallen.’
  • Solomon: He has a reputation for wisdom but fails to practice what he preaches.
  • Elijah: He proved to be inconsistent, and is known to fold under pressure.
  • Hosea: His family life is in a shambles. Divorced, and remarried to a prostitute.
  • Jeremiah: He is too emotional, alarmist; some say a real ‘pain in the neck.’
  • Amos: Comes from a farming background. Better off picking figs.
  • John: He says he is a Baptist but lacks tact and dresses like a hippie. Would not feel comfortable at a church potluck supper.
  • Peter: Has a bad temper, and was heard to have even denied Christ publicly.
  • Paul: We found him to lack tact. He is too harsh, His appearance is contemptible, and he preaches far too long.
  • Timothy: He has potential, but is much too young for the position.
  • Jesus: He tends to offend church members with his preaching, especially Bible scholars. He is also too controversial. He even offended the search committee with his pointed questions.
  • And, our choice is:

  • Judas: He seemed to be very practical, co-operative, good with money, cares for the poor, and dresses well. We all agreed that he is just the man we are looking for to fill the vacancy as our Senior Pastor.

Thank you for all you have done in assisting us with our pastoral search.

Sincerely,
The Pastoral Search Committee.

Dear Pastor

  • Dear Pastor, I know God loves everybody but He never met my sister.
    Yours sincerely, Arnold. Age 8, Nashville.
  • Dear Pastor, Please say in your sermon that Peter Peterson has been a good boy all week. I am Peter Peterson.
    Sincerely, Pete. Age 9, Phoenix
  • Dear Pastor, My father should be a minister. Every day he gives us a sermon about something.
    Robert Anderson, age 11
  • Dear Pastor, I’m sorry I can’t leave more money in the plate, but my father didn’t give me a raise in my allowance. Could you have a sermon about a raise in my allowance?
    Love, Patty. Age 10, New Haven
  • Dear Pastor, My mother is very religious. She goes to play bingo at church every week even if she has a cold.
    Yours truly, Annette. Age 9, Albany
  • Dear Pastor, I would like to go to heaven someday because I know my brother won’t be there.
    Stephen. Age 8, Chicago
  • Dear Pastor, I think a lot more people would come to your church if you moved it to Disneyland.
    Loreen. Age 9, Tacoma
  • Dear Pastor, I liked your sermon where you said that good health is more important than money but I still want a raise in my allowance.
    Sincerely, Eleanor. Age 12, Sarasota
  • Dear Pastor, Please pray for all the airline pilots. I am flying to California tomorrow.
    Laurie. Age 10, New York City
  • Dear Pastor, I hope to go to heaven some day but later than sooner.
    Love, Ellen, age 9, Athens
  • Dear Pastor, Please say a prayer for our Little League team. We need God’s help or a new pitcher. Thank you.
    Alexander. Age 10, Raleigh
  • Dear Pastor, My father says I should learn the Ten Commandments. But I don’t think I want to because we have enough rules already in my house.
    Joshua. Age 10, South Pasadena
  • Dear Pastor, Who does God pray to? Is there a God for God?
    Sincerely, Christopher. Age 9, Titusville
  • Dear Pastor, Are there any devils on earth? I think there may be one in my class.
    Carla. Age 10, Salina
  • Dear Pastor, I liked your sermon on Sunday. Especially when it was finished.
    Ralph, Age 11, Akron
  • Dear Pastor, How does God know the good people from the bad people? Do you tell Him or does He read about it in the newspapers?
    Sincerely, Marie. Age 9, Lewiston