You’re Attending the Wrong Law School If…

  • Materials needed for Torts 101 include a baking sheet and apron.
  • Master’s Class in Legal Retorts taught by Johnny Cochran
  • Morely Safer and his camera crew are on campus more often than you are.
  • If you last the entire eight weeks, Sally Struthers personally signs your diploma.
  • Admission test, found on back of a matchbook, requires you to draw Marcia Clark’s briefs.
  • Faculty recruited from the exercise yard.
  • The Dean once failed to get James Earl Jones acquitted on a charge that he “talks like a sissy.”
  • Professors always accept 5th Amendment as an excuse for not turning in homework.
  • Every question answered with, “You can’t handle the truth!”
  • Two words: Dean Wapner.
  • Three hours a day of chasing a little metal ambulance around a dog track.
  • In mock trials, the judge always sentences you to a spanking.
  • Today’s lecture: “Fight for Your Right to Party,” by visiting professor Adam “The King Ad Rock” Horovitz.
  • Your roommate is on a “John Gotti Scholarship.”
  • Can’t see the blackboard over Axl Rose’s hair.
  • The white wigs and black robes may be a tradition, but there’s no explaining the lipstick, garter belts, and high heels.