Lovey Howell’s Diary is Sold


The diary of Eunice “Lovey” Howell was sold at Christie’s auction house today to a representative of Professor Roy Hinkley, Ph.D., during a sealed bid.

Hinkley, known as The Professor, was trying to keep the stories of his love affair with the wife of Thurston Howell III while shipwrecked on a deserted island a secret.

But investigators for Fox News and the Jerry Springer Show blew the lid off of the steamy memoirs. Page after lurid page of secret meetings with “My Bendy Boy, sweet Gilligan” and “Rocket Man”, an obvious reference to the Professor.

Reached at the Pacific Bay Retirement Home, Willy Gilligan was asked about his affair with “Lovey”. “She was a wild woman. Thurston couldn’t handle her. She was too much woman for him. We used to sneak off down to the lagoon when everyone else was asleep. Everyone thought I was doing Mary Ann, but, it was the Skipper she had the hots for. Go figure.”

Gilligan admitted Mrs. Howell had used some of Thurston’s own money to set up a trust fund for Gilligan so he could live out his days in comfort once they returned to the mainland. He confesses that he was angry when he found out about Mrs. Howell’s additional affair with The Professor, but has come to grips with it.

“You see, all Thurston thought about was money. Stock markets. I was her lover because I had youth and stamina. The Professor, though, he taught her things. He showed her how to build a nuclear reactor from a coconut. He taught her how to extract gold from seawater using nothing but a papaya. That always got her hot. The more I think about it, the more I truly believe the reason the Professor could never fix the boat was because he was boning Mrs. Howell.”

Gilligan’s Island

Years ago, CBS had a popular little series called Gilligan’s Island. There is, however, a dark secret about this “comedy” you may never have realized. The island is a direct representation of HELL. Nobody on the island wants to be there, yet none are able to leave. Each one of the characters represents one of the 7 deadly sins:

  • Ginger represents LUST – she wears skimpy outfits, is obsessed with her looks, and is a borderline nymphomaniac.
  • Mary Ann represents ENVY – she is jealous of Ginger’s beauty.
  • The Professor represents PRIDE – he is an annoying know-it-all.
  • Mr. Howell represents GREED – no explanation needed.
  • Mrs. Howell represents SLOTH – she has never lifted a finger to help on any of their escape plans.
  • The Skipper represents two sins: GLUTTONY – again, no explanation needed and ANGER – he violently hits Gilligan on each show.
  • This leaves Gilligan. Gilligan is the person who put them there. He prevents them from leaving by foiling all of their escape plots. Also, it is HIS island. Therefore, Gilligan is SATAN.

    …….. Crazy? He does wear red in every episode.