The 4 Types of Chain Letters

There are four basic types of chain letters:

Chain Letter Type I

Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who as no arms, no legs, no parents, and no pecker. This little boy’s life could be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Starving Legless Armless Parentless Peckerless Little Boys from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Remember, we have no way of counting letters sent. So go on, reach out.

Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder- if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly and a mad goat will rape your dead body. Thanks again!!


Chain Letter Type lI: Make a wish!!!

(This is where you have to scroll down)

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.
Really, go on and make one wish!!!

.

.

.

.

.

.

Oh please, s/he’ll never go out with you!!!

.

.

.

.

.

.
Wish something else!!!

.

.

.

.

.

.
Not *that* either, you pervert!!

.

.

.

.

.

.
Is your finger getting tired yet?

.

.

.

.

.

.
You Can Stop now moron!!!!!!!!

Wasn’t that fun? Hope you made a great wish. Now, to make you feel guilty, here’s what I’ll do. First of all, if you don’t send this to a certain number of people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by a mad goat and then thrown off a high building into a pile of manure. It’s true! Because, you know, THIS letter isn’t like all of those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!! Here’s how it goes.

Send this to 1 person: One person will be upset with you for sending them a stupid chain letter.

Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be upset with you for sending them a stupid chain letter.

5-10 people: 5-10 people will be upset with at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.

10-20 people: 10-20 people will be upset with at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.

20 to 674,951 1/2 people: 20 to 674,951 1/2 people will be upset with you for sending them a stupid chain letter.

Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!


Chain Letter Type III

Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as many little 8 year olds writing chain letters. So this is how it works. Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:

Queer Horror Story #1 Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the side walk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of poop, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died. This Could Happen To You!!!

Queer Horror Story #2 Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it . Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way, especially at Oklahoma City University). They both died and went to hell. They continued to suffer in hell where they were both cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity. This Could Happen To You!!!

Remember, you could end up like Pinsley and Bip did. Just send this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be Ok.

Of course, there’s the guy in Peoria Illinois who DID forward this on and then he married his secret crush, they moved to the suburbs, had 2.3
children and lived happily ever after.

Right up until he started working late every night, started an affair with his secretary and boozing. Then she started sleeping with the golf pro at the local country club, became addicted to sleeping pills and their 2.3 children got into gangs and drugs. Then everything went to hell, and they got divorced. She got the house and the kids, and he got the car and child support payment, and got to keep the mortgage payment, lost his job and his car and now is working the midnight shift at the local McDonald’s.


Chain Letter Type IV

As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of your friends.

Friends

– A friend is someone who is always at your side,
– A friend is someone who likes you even though you smell like a wet dog,
– A friend is someone who likes you even though you’re disgustingly ugly,
– A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you’ve soiled yourself,
– A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your loser life,
– A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think you should be raped by a mad goat and then thrown to vicious dogs,
– A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet and vacuums and then gets the check and leaves and doesn’t speak much English no, sorry that’s the cleaning lady

Now pass this on! If you don’t, Satan will send dogs in heat to your room in your sleep!!


There. Now that we’ve covered and dumped on the four main types of chain letters, onto the ironic part. In order for this to get any popularity, send it on!!! If you don’t think it was funny at all, don’t bother, but otherwise forward this sucker to everyone you know!! If you don’t, I don’t care. Thanks!

Remember, the moral of the story is, if you get a chain letter, ignore it.

TRASH IT!!! If it’s a joke or something, send it, sure! Just don’t forget to delete the chain letter part. But if it’s gonna make people feel guilty (i.e. the willieless boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen) or nervous (i.e. Miranda Pinsley who ended up in a waterfall of poop), just DELETE it.

Do yourself a favor, and everyone else in the world, and say NO!!! to BLOODY CHAIN LETTERS!!” Thank you.”

The Forwarders 12 Step Program

  1. I will NOT get bad luck, lose my friends, or lose my mailing lists if I DON’T forward an email!
  2. I will NOT hear any music or see a taco dog, if I do forward an e-mail.
  3. Bill Gates is NOT going to send me money, Victoria’s Secret doesn’t know anything about a gift certificate they’re supposed to send me.
  4. Ford will NOT give me a 50% discount even if I forward my e-mail to more than 50 people!
  5. I will NEVER receive gift certificates, coupons, or freebies from Coca Cola, Cracker Barrel, Old Navy, or anyone else if I send an e-mail to 10 people.
  6. I will NEVER see a pop-up window if I forward an e-mail … NEVER –NEVER !!
  7. There is NO SUCH THING as an e-mail tracking program, and I am not STUPID enough to think that someone will send me $100 for forwarding an e-mail to 10 or more people!
  8. There is NO kid with cancer through the Make-a-Wish program in England collecting anything! He did when he was 7 years old. He is now cancer free and 35 years old and DOESN’T WANT ANY MORE POST CARDS, or GET-WELL CARDS.
  9. The government does not have a bill in Congress called 901B (or whatever they named it this week) that, if passed, will enable them to charge us 5 cents for every e-mail we send.
  10. There will be NO cool dancing, singing, waving, colorful flowers, characters, or program that I will receive immediately after I forward an e-mail. NONE, ZIP, ZERO, NADA!!
  11. The American Red Cross will NOT donate 50 cents to certain individual dying of some never-heard-of disease for every e-mail address I send this to. The American Red Cross RECEIVES donations.
  12. And finally, I WILL NOT let others guilt me into sending things by telling me I am not their friend or that I don’t believe in Jesus Christ. If God wants to send me a message, I believe the bushes in my yard will burn before He picks up a PC to pass it on!

Now, repeat this to yourself until you have it memorized, and send it along to at least 5 of your friends before the next full moon or you will surely be constipated for the next three months and all of your hair will fall out!

Just Kidding…