More Church Bulletin Typos

These sentences actually appeared in a church bulletin or were announced in a church service:

  • Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
  • Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING Conference: “The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals.”
  • Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 pm in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
  • Miss Charlene Mason sang “I will not pass this way again” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
  • “Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don’t forget your husbands.”
  • The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
  • The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water.” The sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus”
  • Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
  • Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say “hell” to someone who doesn’t care much about you.
  • Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
  • Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.
  • Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
  • The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.
  • Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
  • The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
  • Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
  • The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sabbath.
  • The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, “Break Forth Into Joy.”
  • A songfest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.
  • Our next song is “Angels We Have Heard Get High.”
  • Evening Massage – 6 p.m.
  • Ushers will eat latecomers.
  • The concert held in the Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister’s daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which, as usual, fell upon her.
  • On a church bulletin during the pastor’s illness: GOD IS GOOD. Pastor Hargreaves is better.
  • Don’t miss this Saturday’s exhibit by Christian Martian Arts…
  • Glory of God to all and peas to his people on earth.
  • Lift up our Messianic brothers and sisters in Israel who are suffering during our prayer time.
  • This Sunday morning following services we will have our monthly feelowship.
  • We have received word of sudden passing of Rev. Smith this morning duringthe worship service. Now let’s sing “Praise God from Whom All Blessings Flow.”
  • The agenda was adopted…the minutes were approved… the final secretary gave a grief report.
  • Applications are now being accepted for 2 year-old nursery workers.

Actual Announcements Taken From Church Bulletins

  • Don’t let worry kill you. Let the Church help.
  • Thursday night-Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
  • Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
  • For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
  • The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Reverend and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
  • This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
  • Tuesday at 4PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
  • Wednesday, the Ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing “Put Me In My Little Bed” accompanied by the pastor.
  • Thursday at 5PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the minister in his private study.
  • This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mr. Vassilas to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
  • The service will close with “Little Drops Of Water”. One of the ladies will start (quietly) and the rest of the congregation will join in.
  • Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and get a piece of paper.
  • The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.
  • A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
  • At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What is Hell?”. Come early and listen to our choir practice.
  • Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
  • The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.
  • Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.
  • 8 new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
  • Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.
  • The Senior Choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
  • Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who is preparing for the girth of their first child.
  • Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
  • The Lutheran Men’s group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.
  • The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: “I Upped My Pledge-Up Yours.”
  • This evening at 7:00 pm there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to SIN.