A fellow (blond) is looking to buy a saw to cut down some trees in his back yard. He goes to a chainsaw shop and asks about various chainsaws. The dealer tells him, “Look, I have a lot of models, but why don’t you save yourself a lot of time and aggravation and get the top-of-the-line model. This chainsaw will cut a hundred cords of wood for you in one day.”
So, the man takes the chainsaw home and begins working on the trees. After cutting for several hours and only cutting two cords, he decides to quit. He thinks there is something wrong with the chainsaw. “How can I cut for hours and only cut two cords?” the man asks himself. “I will begin first thing in the morning and cut all day,” the man tells himself. So, the next morning the man gets up at 4 am in the morning and cuts and cuts, and cuts till nightfall, and still he only manages to cut five cords.
The man is convinced this is a bad saw. “The dealer told me it would cut one hundred cords of wood in a day, no problem. I will take this saw back to the dealer,” the man says to himself.
The very next day the man brings the saw back to the dealer and explains the problem. The dealer, baffled by the man’s claim, removes the chainsaw from the case. The dealer says, “Hmm, it looks fine.”
Then the dealer starts the chainsaw, to which the man responds, “What’s that noise?”
A blonde guy was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. He wanted to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, he couldn’t find it, so he asked a police officer for directions, “Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?”
The officer replied, “Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It’ll take you right there.”
He thanked the officer and the officer drove off.
Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and, sure enough, our blonde fellow is still waiting at the same bus stop. The officer got out of his car and said, “Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus. That was three hours ago. Why are you still waiting?”
The blonde replied, “Don’t worry, officer, it won’t be long now. The 47th bus just went by!”
Airport Security alerted an airline crew to keep an eye a blond passenger who appeared excessively nervous and shifty-eyed. Soon after takeoff, the blond man called a stewardess to his seat and said, “I have a live grenade in my pocket. I’ll blow up the plane if you do not divert to Cairo.”
Perplexed, the stewardess said, “But, sir. This is TWA flight 1219 to Cairo.”
“Damn!” replied the blond passenger, “I got on the wrong plane.”
Two blonds were building a house. The one who was nailing down siding would reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over his shoulder or nail it in. The other, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, “Why are you throwing those nails away?”
The first explained, “If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it’s pointed toward ME, I throw it away ’cause it’s defective. If it’s pointed toward the HOUSE, then I nail it in!”
The second got completely upset and yelled, “You MORON!!! The nails pointed toward you aren’t defective! They’re for the other side of the house!!”
A blond guy bought two horses, and could never remember which was which. A neighbor suggested that he cut the tail of one horse. That worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush.
It tore just right and looked exactly like the other horse’s tail, and our blond friend was stuck again. The neighbor suggested he notch the ear of one horse. That worked fine until the other horse caught his ear on a barbed wire fence. Once again our friend couldn’t tell them apart.
The neighbor suggested he measure the horses for height. When the horse owner did, he was very pleased to find that the white horse was 2 inches taller than the black one.
Three blond guys are standing on one side of a river near a wishing well, trying to figure out how to cross the river.
The first guy went to the wishing well and said “I want to be smart so I can get across the river.” So the wishing well made his hair brown. Then he swam across the river.
The second guy went up to the wishing well and said, “I want to be smarter. And I don’t want to get wet like that first guy.” After his hair turned black he built a boat and sailed across the river.
The third guy went to the well and said, “I want to be the smartest of all. I don’t want to get wet, and don’t want to work too hard at this.” The well turned him into a woman and she walked across on the bridge.