As an ASSHOLE, I proclaim the following:
- I will live my life the way I deem fit, screw political correctness.
- I have the right to choose my religious path if I choose one at all. Christianity be damned.
- If I want to eat a cow, I will eat a cow.
- I have the right to hang up on telemarketers midsentence and not have to worry about whether or not I was polite.
- If I think someone’s an idiot, I will tell them they’re an idiot.
- I have the right to tell children that their parents aren’t raising them correctly. (Think of how many times you’ve been at a supermarket and heard a screaming child the entire time…what exactly would you want to say that’d be any nicer?)
- If you don’t know what you’re talking about, shut the hell up.
- You may have the right to speak, but I don’t have to listen to you.
- If I want to be rude, loud, and obnoxious, it’s a free country.
- If I want to go to a bar, destroy my liver with alcohol, clog my arteries with junk, and have unsafe sex with the woman/man I just met, I ought to be able to smoke while I’m at it.
- I may be fat, but you’re ugly, and I can go to Jenny Craig.
- Jerry Springer for President!!!!!!!
- Denis Leary should be proclaimed God and given reign over society.
- Your daughter just got drunk at a party, made a slut of herself, and you’re worried about my religious beliefs?
- Before you tell me how to run my life, be certain that your own is squeaky clean.
- Just because you work at McDonald’s doesn’t mean you have an excuse to have an I.Q. under twelve.
- (Courtesy of George Carlin) Just because you’re a student does not mean that you’re any more enlightened than someone that works at Blockbuster.
- Speaking of Blockbuster, if I return the tape, you do not have to actually sue me for $15!!
- If you’re stupid enough to give me credit, deal with the consequences.
- It’s ignorant to charge someone $25 if they bounce a check for $5. (If I didn’t have the $5, what makes you think I’m going to have $25 you retards!!)
- If you don’t like the way I drive then at the next red light get out from under my car.
- If your dog or cat is so smart, then why do you talk to it like it’s a newborn baby?
- If I shoot you while you’re committing a crime, and you try to sue me for it, I’ll shoot you again.
- Courtesy of Ben Franklin: Anyone who would give up freedoms and liberties for temporary security deserves neither freedom or security.
- If you live in Tornado Alley, don’t whine when you get hit by a tornado.