You Know You Are in Arizona When…

  • You’ve signed so many petitions to recall governors you can’t remember the name of the incumbent.
  • You notice your car overheating before you drive it.
  • You no longer associate bridges or rivers with water.
  • You know a swamp cooler is not a happy hour drink.
  • You can hear the weather forecast of 115 degrees without flinching.
  • You can be in the snow, then drive for an hour…and it will be over 100 degrees.
  • You discover, in July it only takes two fingers to drive your car, because your steering wheel is so hot.
  • You can make sun tea instantly.
  • You run your a/c in the middle of winter so you can use your fireplace.
  • The best parking is determined by shade…..not distance.
  • You realize that “Valley Fever” isn’t a disco dance.
  • Hotter water comes from the cold water tap than the hot one.
  • It’s noon in July, kids are on summer vacation and yet all the streets are totally empty of both cars and people.
  • You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
  • Sunscreen is sold year round, kept right at the checkout counter.
  • Sunscreen with less than 50 spf is a joke.
  • You put on fresh sunscreen just to go check the mail box.
  • Some fools will market mini-misters for joggers and some other fools will actually buy them. Worse…..some fools actually try to jog.
  • You know hot air balloons can’t rise because the air temperature is hotter than the air inside the balloon.
  • No one would dream of putting vinyl inside a car.
  • You see two trees fighting over a dog.

You Know You’re In Phoenix When…

  • You buy salsa by the gallon.
  • Your Christmas decorations includes a half a yard of sand and l00 paper bags.
  • You think a red light is merely a suggestion.
  • All of your out-of-state friends start to visit after October but clear out come the end of April.
  • You think someone driving wearing oven mitts is clever.
  • Most of the restaurants in town have the first name “El” or “Los”.
  • You think 6 tons of crushed rock makes a beautiful yard.
  • You’ve signed so many petitions to recall governors that you can’t remember the name of the incumbent.
  • Your house is made of stucco and has a red clay tile roof.
  • You can say Hohokam and people don’t think you’re laughing funny.
  • You see more irrigation water on the street than there is in the Salt River.
  • Every other vehicle is a 4×4.
  • Vehicles with open windows have the right-of-way in the summer.
  • People break out coats when temperature drops below 70.
  • The pool can be warmer than you are.
  • Most homes have more firearms than people.
  • Kids will ask, “What’s a mosquito?”
  • People with black cars or have black upholstery in their car are automatically assumed to be from out-of-state or nuts.
  • The AC Service Man is on your list of best friends.
  • Monday Night Football starts at 7:00 instead of 6:00.
  • You can finish a Big Gulp in 10 minutes and go back for seconds.
  • The water from the cold water tap is the same temperature as the hot one.
  • You can (correctly) pronounce the words: “Saguaro”, “Tempe”, “Gila Bend”, “San Xavier”, “Canyon de Chelly”, “Mogollon Rim”, “Cholla”, and “Ajo”.