- In a health food shop window: Closed due to illness.
- In an office: After the coffee break, staff should empty the pot and stand upside down on the draining board.
- On a church door: This is the gate of Heaven. Enter ye all by this door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use side entrance)
- Seen during a conference: For anyone who has children and doesn’t know it, there is a day care on the first floor.
- In a laundromat: Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.
- Message on a leaflet: If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons.
- On a repair shop door: We can repair anything (Please knock hard on the door – the bell doesn’t work)
- Spotted in a safari park: Elephants Please Stay In Your Car
- In a London department store: Bargain Basement Upstairs
- Notice in a dry cleaner’s window: Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of.
- Outside a second-hand shop: We exchange anything — bicycles, washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain.
- Spotted in a toilet in a London office block: Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.
- Also in an office: Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday kindly bring it back or further steps will be taken.
- Notice in a field: The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges.
- Quicksand warning: Quicksand. Any person passing this point will be drowned… By order of the District Council.
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