Signs That Ronald McDonald is Growing Up

  • No longer signs paychecks in crayon.
  • That new “Mr. Happy Meal.”
  • Distinctive odor of bourbon and stale cigars at personal appearances.
  • Two words: sagging buns.
  • Replacing floppy red shoes with floppy black wingtips.
  • Now offering “Happy Hour” Meals.
  • No longer asks women if they want to see his McNuggets.
  • Instead of size 46 shoe, now takes a size 62.
  • Gin has replaced make-up as his nose-reddener.
  • That telltale bottle of Clairol Fire Engine Red #4 in his shower.
  • Seen with Jack-in-the-Box at strip clubs stuffing fries down g-strings.
  • Three kids injured in unfortunate stubble incident.
  • Has a McBeergut.