Ways NOT To Begin Your Police Report

  • It was the best of times, it was the worst of times …
  • The names contained in this report have been changed to protect the innocent …
  • The mayor then made an illegal left hand turn onto Mulraney at which point I opened fire …
  • Before I get into the details, I’ve got a few “shout-outs” for my homeys in the command staff …
  • It was so dark and wet that night you could almost eat the mist. The radio call penetrated the eerie silence with such piercing intensity that for a moment, I was sure I’d lost my mind …
  • Got call. Responded. Arrested bad guy. The end.
  • Mye pertnar an eye wher on petrol wen we seen a man act suspishushly…
  • The suspect then tried to assualt me by repeatedly slamming his face into my fist …
  • A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away …