Name That Carol, Part 2

  1. Move hitherward the entire assembly of those who are loyal in their belief.
  2. Listen, the celestial messengers produce harmonious sounds.
  3. Nocturnal time span of unbroken quietness.
  4. An emotion excited by the acquisition or expectation of good give to the terrestrial sphere.
  5. Embellish the interior passageways.
  6. Exalted heavenly beings to whom harkened from above.
  7. Twelve o’clock on a clement night witnessed its arrival.
  8. The Christmas preceding all others.
  9. Small municipality in Judea southeast of Jerusalem.
  10. Diminutive masculine master of skin-covered percussionistic cylinders.
  11. Omnipotent supreme being who relaxes into ecstasy distinguished males.
  12. Obese personification fabricated of compressed mounds of minute crystals.
  13. Expectation of arrival to populated area by mythical, masculine perennial gift-giver.
  14. Natal Celebration devoid of color, rather albino, as a hallucinatory phenomenon for me.
  15. In awe of the nocturnal time span characterized by religiosity.
  16. Geographic state of fantasy during the season of Mother Nature’s dormancy.
  17. The first person nominative plural of a triumvirate of Far eastern heads of state.
  18. Tintinnabulation of vacillating pendulums in inverted, metallic, resonant cups.
  19. In a distant location, the existence of an improvised unit of newborn children’s slumber furniture.
  20. Proceed forth declaring upon a specific geological Alpine formation.
  21. Jovial Yuletide desired for the second person singular or plural by us.

[scroll down for the answers]


  1. O Come All Ye Faithful
  2. Hark, the Herald Angels Sing
  3. Silent Night
  4. Joy to the World
  5. Deck the Halls
  6. Angels We Have Heard on High
  7. It Came Upon a Midnight Clear
  8. The First Noel
  9. O Little Town of Bethlehem
  10. Little Drummer Boy
  11. God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen
  12. Frosty the Snowman
  13. Santa Claus Is Coming to Town
  14. I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas
  15. O Holy Night
  16. Winter Wonderland
  17. We Three Kings
  18. Jingle Bells
  19. Away in a Manger
  20. Go Tell It On the Mountain
  21. We Wish You a Merry Christmas

Name That Carol!

  1. Bleached Yule
  2. Castaneous-colored Seed Vesicated in a Conflagration
  3. Singular Yearning for the Twin Anterior Incisors
  4. Righteous Darkness
  5. Arrival Time: 2400 hrs – Weather: Cloudless
  6. Loyal Followers Advance
  7. Far Off in a Feeder
  8. Array the Corridor
  9. Bantam Male Percussionist
  10. Monarchial Triad
  11. Nocturnal Noiselessness
  12. Jehovah Deactivate Blithe Chevaliers
  13. Red Man En Route to Borough
  14. Frozen Precipitation Commence
  15. Proceed and Enlighten on the Pinnacle
  16. The Quadruped with the Vermillion Probiscis
  17. Query Regarding Identity of Descendant
  18. Delight for this Planet
  19. Give Attention to the Melodious Celestial Beings
  20. The Dozen Festive 24 Hour Intervals



  1. White Christmas
  2. Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire
  3. All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth
  4. O Holy Night
  5. It Came Upon a Midnight Clear
  6. O Come, All Ye Faithful
  7. Away in a Manger
  8. Deck the Hall
  9. Little Drummer Boy
  10. We Three Kings
  11. Silent Night
  12. God Rest Ye, Merry Gentlemen
  13. Santa Claus is Coming to Town
  14. Let it Snow
  15. Go, Tell It on the Mountain
  16. Rudolph, the Red-nosed Reindeer
  17. What Child is This?
  18. Joy to the World
  19. Hark! The Herald Angels Sing
  20. The Twelve Days of Christmas

Christmas Songs For The Mentally Disturbed

  • Schizophrenia
    Do you Hear What I Hear?
  • Multiple Personality Disorder
    We Three Queens Disoriented Are
  • Dementia
    I Think I’ll Be Home for Christmas
  • Narcissistic
    Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
  • Manic
    Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office
    and Town and Cars and Busses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and…..
  • Paranoid
    Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me.
  • Personality Disorder
    You Better Watch Out,
    I’m Gonna Cry,
    I’m Gonna Pout,
    Maybe I’ll tell you Why.
  • Depression
    Silent Anhedonia, Holy Anhedonia
    All is Flat, All is Lonely.
  • Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
    Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
    Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
    Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,

  • Passive-Aggressive Personality
    On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me
    (and then took it all away).
  • Borderline Personality Disorder
    Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire.

Hanukah Songs That Never Quite Caught On

  • Oy to the World
  • Schlepping through a Winter Wonderland
  • Hava Nagilah – The Megamix
  • Bubbe Got Run Over by a Reindeer
  • Enough with those God Damn Jingle Bells Already…Jeez!
  • Matzo Man (by the Lower East Side Village People)
  • I Have a Little Dreidel (the Barking Dog Version)
  • Come on Baby, Light My Menorah
  • Deck the Halls with Balls of Matzoh
  • Silent Night? I Should Be So Lucky

Fractured Christmas Carols

No one can fracture a Christmas carol better than a kid. Sing along with these new takes on old favorites:

  • Deck the Halls with Buddy Holly
  • We Three Kings of Porridge and Tar
  • On the First Day of Christmas my Tulip Gave to Me
  • Later on We’ll Perspire, as we Dream by the Fire.
  • He’s Makin’ a List, Chicken and Rice.
  • Noel. Noel, Barney’s the King of Israel.
  • With the Jelly Toast Proclaim
  • Olive, the Other Reindeer.
  • Frosty the Snowman is a Ferret Elf, I Say
  • Sleep in Heavenly Peas
  • In the Meadow We Can Build a Snowman, Then Pretend that he is Sparse and Brown
  • You’ll go Down in Listerine
  • Oh, What Fun it is to Ride with One Horse, Soap and Hay
  • Come, Froggy Faithful
  • You’ll tell Carol, “Be a Skunk, I Require”
  • Good Tidings We Bring to You and your Kid

Hymns of the Lukewarm Church

The Lukewarm Church (God’s Frozen People) announces publication of “Church Songs,” whose title, according to the editor, was chosen because “We didn’t want to turn anybody off with threatening words that no one understands anymore like ‘worship’ or ‘hymn.’ People in today’s society get kind of uncomfortable with too much talk about things like commitment and dedication. They’d much rather have a religion that they can turn on or off at will. Our book seeks to meet that need.”

Sample contents:

  • A Comfy Mattress Is Our God
  • Joyful, Joyful, We Kinda Like Thee
  • Above Average is Thy Faithfulness
  • Lord, Keep Us Loosely Connected to Your Word
  • All Hail the Influence of Jesus’ Name
  • My Hope is Built on Nothing Much
  • Amazing Grace, How Interesting the Sound
  • My Faith Looks Around for Thee
  • Be Thou My Hobby
  • O God, Our Enabler in Ages Past
  • Blest Be the Tie That Doesn’t Cramp My Style
  • Oh, for a Couple of Tongues to Sing
  • He’s Quite a Bit to Me
  • Oh, How I Like Jesus
  • I Lay My Inappropriate Behaviors on Jesus
  • Pillow of Ages, Fluffed for Me
  • I Surrender Some
  • Praise God from Whom All Affirmations Flow
  • I’m Fairly Certain That My Redeemer Lives
  • Self-Esteem to the World! The Lord is Come
  • Sit Up, Sit Up for Jesus
  • Special, Special, Special
  • Spirit of the Living God, Fall Somewhere Near Me
  • Stick Nearby, It’s Getting Dark Outside
  • Take My Life and Let Me Be
  • There is Scattered Cloudiness in My Soul Today
  • There Shall be Sprinkles of Blessings
  • What an Acquaintance We Have in Jesus
  • When Peace, Like a Trickle…
  • When the Saints Go Sneaking In
  • Where He Leads Me, I Will Consider Following
  • God of Taste, and God of Stories
  • Lift Every Voice and Intellectualize

Theme Songs for Biblical Characters

  • Noah: “Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head”
  • Adam and Eve: “Strangers in Paradise”
  • Lazarus: “The Second Time Around”
  • Esther: “I Feel Pretty”
  • Job: “I’ve Got a Right to Sing the Blues”
  • Moses: “The Wanderer”
  • Jezebel: “The Lady is a Tramp”
  • Samson: “Hair”
  • Salome: “I Could Have Danced All Night”
  • Daniel: “The Lion Sleeps Tonight”
  • Joshua: “Good Vibrations”
  • Peter: “I’m Sorry”
  • Esau: “Born To Be Wild”
  • Jeremiah: “Take This Job and Shove It”
  • Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego: “Great Balls of Fire!”
  • The Three Kings: “When You Wish Upon a Star”
  • Jonah: “Got a Whale of a Tale”
  • Elijah: “Up, Up, and Away”
  • Methuselah: “Stayin’ Alive”
  • Nebuchadnezzar: “Crazy”

The Worst Country-Western Song Titles

Compiled By: Bill Atchley
  • Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In The Bed
  • Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts Of Life
  • Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth Cause I’m Kissing You Goodbye
  • Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
  • How Can I Miss You If You Won’t Go Away?
  • How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You When You Know I’ve Been A Liar All My Life
  • I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life
  • I Don’t Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
  • I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me
  • I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart
  • I Keep Forgettin I Forgot About You
  • I Wanna Whip Your Cow
  • I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn’t Spell Yuck
  • I Wouldn’t Take Her To A Dawg Fight, Cause I’m Afraid She’d Win
  • I’d Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than A Frontal Lobotomy
  • I’m Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life
  • I’m The Only Hell Mama Ever Raised
  • I’ve Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart
  • I’ve Got The Hungries For Your Love And I’m Waiting In Your Welfare Line
  • If I Can’t Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
  • If Love Were Oil, I’d Be A Quart Low
  • If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I’d Blow It All On You
  • If You Don’t Leave Me Alone, I’ll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will
  • If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?
  • Mama Get The Hammer (Theres A Fly On Papa’s Head)
  • My Every Day Silver Is Plastic
  • My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart
  • My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him
  • Oh, I’ve Got Hair Oil On My Ears And My Glasses Are Slipping Down, But Baby I Can See Through You
  • Pardon Me, I’ve Got Someone To Kill
  • She Got The Gold Mine And I Got The Shaft
  • She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger
  • She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart
  • She’s Got Freckles On Her, But She’s Pretty
  • Thank God And Greyhound She’s Gone
  • They May Put Me In Prison, But They Can’t Stop My Face From Breakin Out
  • Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart
  • When You Leave Walk Out Backwards, So I’ll Think You’re Walking In
  • You Can’t Have Your Kate And Edith, Too
  • You Can’t Roller Skate In A Buffalo Herd
  • You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat
  • You Were Only A Splinter As I Slid Down The Bannister Of Life
  • You’re The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly

Proposed Country Song Titles

  • Ain’t No Trash In My Trailer Since The Night I Threw You Out
  • You Wanted To Get Hitched, But My Heart Is Filled With Whoa
  • Baked My Sweetie A Pie, But He Left With A Tart
  • I Lost My Honey Bunny On A Bad Hare Day
  • She Chews Tobacco, But She Didn’t Choose Me
  • The Peach I Picked In Georgia Didn’t Cling To Me For Long
  • Don’t Want That Floozy In My Jacuzzi
  • I Found The Recipe For Heartbreak In A Cookbook On Your Shelf
  • Now That We’re Miserable, I Hope You’re Happy