One Day in Morocco

A small boy named Hameed lived in a village in Morocco. None of his classmates liked him because of his stupidity, especially his teacher, who was always yelling at him, “You are driving me crazy Hameed!”

One day Hameed’s mother came into school to check on how he was doing. The teacher told his mother honestly that her son is simply a disaster, always getting very low marks and that even she had never seen such a dumb boy in her entire teaching career! The mother was shocked at the feedback and immediately withdrew her son from the school and moved to another town.

25 years later, the teacher was diagnosed with an incurable heart disease. All the doctors strongly advised her to have an open heart operation, which only one surgeon could perform. Left with no other options, the teacher decided to have the operation, which was successful.

When she opened her eyes after the surgery she saw a handsome doctor smiling down at her. She wanted to thank him, but could not talk. Her face started to turn blue, she raised her hand, trying to tell him something but eventually died.

The doctor was shocked and was trying to work out what went wrong, when he turned around he saw our friend Hameed, working as a cleaner in the clinic, who had unplugged the oxygen equipment to connect his Hoover.

…don’t tell me you thought that Hameed became a doctor !?!

Christmas Songs For The Mentally Disturbed

  • Schizophrenia
    Do you Hear What I Hear?
  • Multiple Personality Disorder
    We Three Queens Disoriented Are
  • Dementia
    I Think I’ll Be Home for Christmas
  • Narcissistic
    Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
  • Manic
    Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office
    and Town and Cars and Busses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and…..
  • Paranoid
    Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me.
  • Personality Disorder
    You Better Watch Out,
    I’m Gonna Cry,
    I’m Gonna Pout,
    Maybe I’ll tell you Why.
  • Depression
    Silent Anhedonia, Holy Anhedonia
    All is Flat, All is Lonely.
  • Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
    Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
    Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
    Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,

  • Passive-Aggressive Personality
    On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me
    (and then took it all away).
  • Borderline Personality Disorder
    Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire.

How You Undress Reveals Your Personality

Psychiatrist Dr. Frank Caprio gives the following breakdown:

  • Haphazard Undresser
    If you throw your clothes all over the house, you are a friendly, life-of-the-party type. You are free with your thoughts and opinions, not caring much about what others think of you.
  • Meticulous Undresser
    If you remove each piece of clothing and put it away carefully, you are a serious person who likes life very calm. You are comfortable with routine and you believe that the best way to deal with life’s problems is to prevent them in the first place.
  • Shoes and Socks First Undresser
    You are perfectionist, very shy, observant, dependable, intense and think before making decisions. You go about your tasks methodically, with concentration. You know how to pay attention.
  • Slow Undresser
    If you take off the shirt and ten minutes later get around to the pants, you are extremely self-confident, intellectual, a deep thinker and don’t like to be hassled. Usually you like a lot of free time for yourself.
  • Fast Undresser
    If you get out of your clothes as quickly as possible, you are concerned about others and what they expect from you but you’re worried about your own needs. You are family-oriented and stay extremely busy.
  • Jewelry Off First Undresser
    If you take off your rings, watch, etc. before anything else, you are warm, thoughtful, sensitive and romantic.
  • Never The Same Way Undresser
    If you never do it the same way twice, you are a very curious, interesting person and you enjoy a broad range of activities. You take risks and enjoy fun and adventure.

A Healthy Dose of Laughter

I read that a child laughs 400 times a day on the average, while an adult laughs only 15 times each day. Which is puzzling since laughter feels so good and is so good for us!

You may know the benefits of laughter on the mind and spirit, but are you aware of how much a good laugh can help you physically? Norman Cousins used to say that laughter is so beneficial physically that it is like “inner jogging.”

Mayo Clinic (Mayo Clinic Health Letter, March 1993) reports that laughter aids breathing by disrupting your normal respiration pattern and increasing your breathing rate. It can even help clear mucus from your lungs.

Laughter is good for your heart. It increases circulation and improves the delivery of oxygen and nutrients to tissues throughout your body.

A good laugh helps your immune system fight off colds, flu and sinus problems by increasing the concentration of immunoglobulin A in your saliva. And it may help control pain by raising the levels of certain brain chemicals (endorphins).

It is also a natural stress reliever. Have you ever laughed so hard that you doubled over, fell off your chair, spit out your food or wet your pants? You cannot maintain muscle tension when you are laughing!

The good news is that you are allowed more than 15 laughs a day! Go ahead and double the dose and make it 30 times today. (You may begin to notice your relationships improving!) Then double it again! You are bound to feel better, you will cope with problems more effectively and people will enjoy being around you. If Joke du Jour made you laugh, which is our goal, share your laughter with your friends and family.

Laughter: it’s good medicine, it’s completely organic, it can be shared, it is recyclable and it’s absolutely free!

Games for Hospital Waiting Rooms

  • Surgery: Operation, Life
  • Oncology or Patient Relations: Sorry
  • Neurology: Concentration, Boggle
  • Mental Health: Crazy Eights, Solitaire, Outburst
  • Gastroenterology: Chutes and Ladders, Go Fish, Poker, Dungeons and Dragons, Lincoln Logs
  • Administration: Trivial Pursuit, Monopoly
  • Eating Disorders: Hungry Hungry Hippos
  • Finance: Trouble
  • Diabetes Center: Candyland
  • Plastic Surgery: Mr. Potato Head
  • Payroll: Payday
  • Rehab: Twister
  • Parkinson’s Center: Jenga
  • Travel Clinic: Ants in the Pants
  • Infectious Disease: Cooties, Risk
  • Geriatric Medicine: Bingo
  • Gene Therapy: Barrel of Monkeys
  • Urology: Upwards
  • Cardiology: Hearts
  • Orthopedics: Pinball
  • Cafeteria: Mousetrap
  • Podiatry: Tic Tac Toe

Happiness is a Psychiatric Disorder

David Wells with the state of Iowa gives us this tongue in cheek description of happiness attributed to an article by Richard P. Bentall in the June 1992 issue of Journal of Medical Ethics.

“Happiness is a Psychiatric Disorder”

Happiness meets all reasonable criteria for a psychiatric disorder. It is statistically abnormal, consists of a discrete cluster of symptoms, there is at least some evidence that is reflects the abnormal functioning of the central nervous system, and it is associated with various cognitive abnormalities; in particular a lack of contact with reality. Acceptance of these arguments leads to the obvious conclusion that happiness should be included in future taxonomies of mental illness, probably as a form of affective (mood) disorder. This would place it on Axis I of the American Psychiatric Association’s “Diagnostic and Statistical Manual”. With this prospect in mind, I humbly suggest the following:

  • Major affective disorder, pleasant type
    Once the debilitating consequences of happiness become widely recognized, it is likely that psychiatrists, social workers, ando ther mental heath professionals will begin to devise treatments for the condition. We can expect the emergence of happiness clinics, and anti-happiness medications in the not too distant future.

But First…

I have recently been diagnosed with AAADD – Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it goes…

  • I decide to do work on the car, I start to the garage and notice the mail on the table. OK, I’m going to work on the car… BUT FIRST…
  • I’m going to go through the mail. Lay car keys down on desk. After discarding the junk mail, I notice the trash can is full. OK, I’ll just put the bills on my desk…. BUT FIRST…
  • I’ll take the trash out, but since I’m going to be near the mailbox, I’ll address a few bills…. Yes. Now, where is the checkbook? Oops.. there’s only one check left. Where did I put the extra checks? Oh, there is my empty plastic cup from last night on my desk. I’m going to look for those checks… BUT FIRST…
  • I need to put the cup back in the kitchen. I head for the kitchen, look out the window, notice the flowers need a drink of water, I put the cup on the counter and there’s my extra pair of glasses on the kitchen counter. What are they doing here? I’ll just put them away… BUT
  • I need to water those plants. I head for the door and… Aaaagh! someone left the TV remote in the wrong spot. Okay, I’ll put the remote away and water the plants… BUT FIRST…
  • I need to find those checks.

END OF DAY: Oil in car not changed, bills still unpaid, cup still in the sink, checkbook still has only one check left, lost my car keys,… And, when I try to figure out how come nothing got done today, I’m baffled because… I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY! I realize this condition
is serious… I’d get help… BUT FIRST…

I think I’ll check my e-mail.

Alarming Trend

Number of physicians in the US: 700,000
Accidental deaths caused by physicians per year: 120,000
Accidental deaths per physicians…..0.171
Source: US Dept. of Health and Human Services

Number of gun owners in the US: 80,000,000
Number of accidental gun deaths per year ( all age groups): 1,500
Accidental deaths per gun owner: 0.0000188

Statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.

FACT : Not everyone has a gun, but everyone has at least one Doctor.

Please alert your friends to this alarming threat. We must ban doctors before this gets out of hand.

Remember: Guns don’t kill people, doctors do!

New Phobias

  • Shrinkaphobia
    “Hey, this is a nude beach. I ain’t getting in that cold water!”
  • Carmenelectraphobia
    “Get that *(^%#*# vodka bottle away from me!!”
  • Oldfartophobia
    “He’s coming straight for us–with his left turn signal on!”
  • Windophobia
    “You have to push ‘Start’ to turn the damn computer off?!”
  • ThetaFetaMetaBetaphobia
    “I won’t go to your frat house to eat gyros and watch a tape of the Israel Philharmonic Orchestra on your old Sony VCR!”
  • Buttcrackaphobia
    “No!! Don’t call the plumber!!!”
  • Phoebephobia
    “No, I don’t want to watch ‘Friends.’ That blonde chick freaks me out.”
  • Probeophobia
    “Um, Doctor, why are you putting on that rubber glove?”
  • Rentanotherpornophobia
    “You’re busy Saturday? Well, how about next weekend then?”
  • Homophobophobia
    “It’s NOT my imagination! Senator Helms is looking at me “that” way again!”
  • Smallpenisphobia
    “Honey, I bought a Corvette!”


Psychologists have discovered that the manner in which people eat Oreo cookies provides great insight into their personalities. Choose which method best describes your favorite method of eating Oreos:

  1. The whole thing all at once.
  2. One bite at a time.
  3. Slow and methodical nibbles examining the results of each bite afterwards.
  4. In little feverous nibbles.
  5. Dunked in some liquid (milk, coffee…).
  6. Twisted apart, the inside, then the cookie.
  7. Twisted apart, the inside, and toss the cookie.
  8. Just the cookie, not the inside.
  9. I just like to lick them, not eat them.
  10. I don’t have a favorite way because I don’t like Oreos.

Your Personality:

  • The whole thing
    This means you consume life with abandon, you are fun to be with, exciting, carefree with some hint of recklessness. You are totally irresponsible. No one should trust you with their children.
  • One bite at a time
    You are lucky to be one of the 5.4 billion other people who eat their Oreos this very same way. Just like them, you lack imagination, but that’s okay, not to worry, you’re normal.
  • Slow and Methodical
    You follow the rules. You’re very tidy and orderly. You’re very meticulous in every detail with every thing you do to the point of being anal retentive and irritating to others. Stay out of the fast lane if you’re only going to go the speed limit.
  • Feverous Nibbles
    Your boss likes you because you get your work done quickly. You always have a million things to do and never enough time to do them. Mental breakdowns and suicides run in your family. Valium and Ritalin would do you good.
  • Dunked
    Every one likes you because you are always up beat. You like to sugar coat unpleasant experiences and rationalize bad situations into good ones. You are in total denial about the shambles you call a life. You have a propensity towards narcotic addiction.
  • Twisted apart, the inside, and then the cookie.
    You have a highly curious nature. You take pleasure in breaking things apart to find out how they work, though not always able to put them back together, so you destroy all the evidence of your activities. You deny your involvement when things go wrong. You are a compulsive liar and exhibit deviant, if not criminal, behavior.
  • Twisted apart, the inside, and then toss the cookie.
    You are good at business and take risk that pay off. You take what you want and throw the rest away. You are greedy, selfish, mean, and lack feelings for others. You should be ashamed of yourself. But that’s ok, you don’t care, you got yours.
  • Just the cookie, not the inside.
    You enjoy pain.
  • I just like to lick them, not eat them.
    Stay away from small furry animals and seek professional medical help – immediately.
  • I don’t have a favorite way, I don’t like Oreos.
    You probably come from a rich family, and like to wear nice things, and go to up-scale restaurants. You are particular and fussy about the things you buy, own, and wear. Things have to be just right. You like to be pampered. You are a priss.