All I Need To Know About Life I Learned From My Dog

    • Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joy ride.
    • Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
    • When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
    • Run, romp, and play daily.
    • Be loyal.
    • Never pretend to be something you’re not.
    • Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.
    • If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
    • When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.
    • Thrive on affection and let people touch you – enjoy back rubs and pats on your neck.
    • When you leave your yard, make it an adventure.
    • Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
    • No matter how often you’re scolded, don’t pout – run right back and make friends.
    • Bond with your pack.
    • On cold nights, curl up in front of a crackling fire.
    • When you’re excited, speak up.
    • When you’re happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
    • Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
    • If you stare at someone long enough, eventually you’ll get what you want.
    • Don’t go out without ID.
    • Leave room in your schedule for a good nap.
    • Always give people a friendly greeting.
    • If it’s not wet and sloppy, it’s not a real kiss.

All I Need to Know About Life I Learned in the Military

  • If the enemy is in range, so are you.
  • Incoming fire has the right of way.
  • Don’t look conspicuous, it draws fire.
  • There is always a way.
  • The easy way is always mined.
  • Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.
  • Professionals are predictable, it’s the amateurs that are dangerous.
  • The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:


    1. when you are ready for them

    2. when you are not ready for them

  • Teamwork is essential, it gives them someone else to shoot at.
  • If you can’t remember, then the claymore is pointed at you.
  • The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack.
  • A “sucking chest wound” is nature’s way of telling you to slow down.
  • If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush.
  • Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you.
  • Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing.
  • Make it tough enough for the enemy to get in and you won’t be able to get out.
  • Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
  • If you’re short of everything but the enemy, you’re in a combat zone.
  • When you have secured an area, don’t forget to tell the enemy.
  • Never forget that your weapon is made by the lowest bidder.
  • If it’s stupid but it works, it isn’t stupid.

All I Need To Know I Learned At Melrose Place

  • All women are size 4 or smaller.
  • There is only one bar in Los Angeles (Shooters).
  • All men can be seduced if they are straight.
  • Gay couples rarely kiss…, and if they do it’s reported by the major networks.
  • No one ever dies from being sick/shot/blown-up once their picture appears in the opening credits.
  • All physicians are also trained psychiatrists.
  • Most people will forgive you for trying to kill them (Michael tried to kill Sydney, Sydney and Kimberly tried to kill Michael, Amanda and Bobby Parezi, Peter tried to kill Amanda, Kimberly tried to kill the whole cast).
  • In medicine, you can work your way up the ladder from resident to chief of staff in 2 seasons.
  • In advertising, you can work your way up the ladder from receptionist to VP in 2 episodes.
  • You don’t need to be legally sane to practice medicine.
  • You can be a god-awful fashion designer (Jane) and a Harvard MBA (Richard) will still hire you.
  • If you crush your wrist in a waffle iron, you only need an ACE bandage.
  • When you are totally bald, it only takes a month to grow your hair back to shoulder length.
  • When the highlight of your week is the “scenes for next week”, it’s time to go out and get a life.
  • You can afford designer fashions on the salary of a receptionist at a doctor’s office.
  • You can fall off a ten-story building and emerge unscathed as long as you fall on top of another body. (Even if you were shot in the chest at point blank range two weeks earlier.)
  • Once you sleep with one sibling, you’ll sleep with every other sibling (Jo/Jake/Jess, Michael/Sydney/Jane, Australian guy/Sydney/Jane).
  • If a bomb explodes in a building, the only person to die will be the person who has visited the building least often.
  • You can become a psychiatric resident at a major hospital within one month after your release from a mental hospital.
  • Once a mother gives her baby up for adoption, she never thinks about it again.
  • A lifetime of trauma over childhood sexual abuse can be cured not by therapy, but by embarassing your father at a barbecue.
  • There are no Latinos or Asians in Los Angeles.
  • Chemotherapy does not cause you to lose your hair if you let your roots show after bleaching it.
  • And the most important lesson: Acting talent is not genetic; even if your sister is an Academy Award nominee, you can still be the worst actor on television.

All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten

by Robert Fulghum

 

  • Share everything.
  • Play fair.
  • Don’t hit people.
  • Put things back where you found them.
  • Clean up your own mess.
  • Don’t take things that aren’t yours.
  • Say you’re sorry when you hurt somebody.
  • Wash your hands before you eat.
  • Flush.
  • Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
  • Live a balanced life–learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.
  • Take a nap every afternoon.
  • When you go out into the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands, and stick together.
  • Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup: The roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.
  • Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup–they all die. So do we.
  • And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned–the biggest word of all–LOOK.

Everything I Need to Know in Life I Learned from My Horse

  • When in doubt, run far, far away.
  • You can never have too many treats.
  • Passing gas in public is nothing to be ashamed of.
  • New shoes are an absolute necessity every 6 weeks.
  • Ignore cues. They’re just a prompt to do more work.
  • Everyone loves a good, wet, slobbery kiss.
  • Never run when you can jog. Never jog when you can walk. And never walk when you can stand still.
  • Heaven is eating for at least 10 hours a day… and then sleeping the rest.
  • Great legs and a nice rear will get you anywhere. Big, brown eyes help too.
  • When you want your way, stomp hard on the nearest foot.
  • In times of crisis, take a poop.
  • Act dumb when faced with a task you don’t want to do.
  • Follow the herd. That way, you can’t be singled out to take the blame.
  • A swift kick in the butt will get anyone’s attention.
  • Love those who love you back, especially if they have something good to eat.

All I Need to Know About Life I Learned from My Guardian Angel

  • Know all the possibilities of your impossible dream.
  • Leave space in your relationships so you’ll have lots of room to play.
  • Be yourself.
  • Forgive, forget, and forge ahead.
  • It’s easier to fly when you take yourself lightly.
  • Reach out and touch someone lightly with your wing.
  • Love is the only four letter word you need to know.
  • Whenever you hear a bell, another angel has earned their wings.
  • It’s okay to cry during sad movies.
  • Don’t postpone joy to scrub the bathroom or clean the garage.
  • Love mother earth.
  • Whenever you feel afraid, get a new box of crayons.
  • Carry a spare set of wings in your pocket.
  • Wherever you go, that is where you will be.
  • Spread your wings and fly.
  • Always be an angel-on-call for a friend.

All I Need to Know in Life I Learned from My Girlfriend

  • Good times are even better when they’re shared.
  • A long talk can cure almost anything.
  • Everyone needs someone with whom to share their secrets.
  • Listening is just as important as talking.
  • An understanding friend is better than a therapist and cheaper too!
  • Laughter makes the world a happier place.
  • Friends are like wine; they get better with age.
  • Sometimes you just need a shoulder to cry on.
  • Great minds think alike, especially when they are female!
  • When it comes to “bonding”, females do it better.
  • You are never too old for a slumber party!
  • Girls just want to have fun.
  • It’s important to make time to do “girl things”.
  • Calories don’t count when you are having lunch (or any other food) with your girlfriends.
  • Gems may be precious, but friendship is priceless!

All I Need to Know in Life I Learned From Fishing

  • There is no such thing as too much equipment.
  • When in doubt, exaggerate.
  • If it feels good, it’s fishing.
  • Everyone has a story about the one that got away.
  • It’s good to be at the top of the food chain.
  • Even the best lines get weak after they’ve been used a few times.
  • Sometimes you’ve really got to squirm to get off the hook.
  • Cast everything in the best light possible.
  • Keep one eye on your bobber at all times.
  • Life is a stream of consciousness thing.
  • Take time to smell the fishes.
  • I fish therefore I am.
  • The way to a fisherman’s heart is through his fly.
  • You never forget your first bite.
  • A fishing line has a hook at one end and an optimist at the other.
  • Fish always start to grow after they get away.
  • Life is a can of worms.
  • The fishing is always better on the other side of the lake.
  • Good things come to those who wade.
  • When the going gets tough, the tough go fishing.

All I Need to Know About Life I Learned from the Easter Bunny

  • Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.
  • Walk softly and carry a big chocolate bunny.
  • Everyone needs a friend who is all ears.
  • Don’t count your chickens before they are hatched.
  • There’s no such thing as too much candy.
  • All work and no play can make you a basket case.
  • A cute little tail always attracts a lot of attention.
  • Let happy thoughts multiply like rabbits.
  • Everyone is entitled to a bad hare day.
  • Some body parts should be floppy.
  • Keep your paws off other people’s jelly beans.
  • Good things come in small sugar-coated packages.
  • The grass is always greener in someone else’s basket.
  • An Easter bonnet can tame even the wildest hare.
  • To show your true colors you have to come out of your shell.
  • The best things in life are sweet and gooey and come in assorted colors.
  • Get rid of all your black jelly beans.
  • SO REMEMBER…ALWAYS BELIEVE IN THE EASTER BUNNY

All I Need to Know About Life I Learned by Watching Dr. Who

  • Don’t be afraid to dress conspicuously
  • “There’s no point in being grown up if you can’t be childish sometimes”
  • Be polite to strangers – offer them a jelly baby
  • Face bureaucracy with sarcasm
  • Bad guys always wear black
  • Almost any problem can be solved by reversing the polarity of the neutron flow
  • Never trust anyone with a sinister beard and a high collar
  • When in doubt, bang the console
  • Nearly anyone will fall for the really big lie at some point
  • If it glows, avoid it
  • The gravel quarries are not what they seem
  • Bad guys will not see you if you stand really close to the wall, even if they walk right past you
  • All the aliens speak with British accents
  • All alien planets have corridors somewhere
  • There’s nothing the sonic screwdriver can’t handle (apart from a voice activated lock)
  • Every alien planet has open cast mining
  • “When I say run, RUN!”
  • “Everyone remotely interesting is mad in one way or another”
  • “Somewhere else the Tea’s getting cold”
  • The worst won’t happen if you do something immensely clever
  • “Humans have an amazing capacity for self-deception”
  • If you’re so clever, follow me up the stairs
  • Your best weapons are your mind, your scarf, and your brolly (British slang for umbrella)
  • Blowing up earth will not solve your own impotence
  • You never know what you’re going to get
  • “I am the master, you will obey me”
  • Life is hard, then you regenerate
  • However bad it may be, it’ll all blow up in the last scene
  • Companions may come and go, but your K9 is forever
  • “I’m HAPPY!”
  • “First things first – but not necessarily in that order”