- “Honey, why is an 18-wheeler from Amazon.com backing into our driveway?”
- One Secret Service agent is sitting on your head while another is slapping cuffs on you.
- You are served with a search warrant for all those porn pics that keep arriving in your email box.
- Apparently, your flame war with DonCorleone@mafia.com is about to turn ugly.
- When you log on, your computer says “You’ve got lawsuits!”
- Your inbox is filled with sheep porno and you’re strictly a goat porno kind of guy.
- You’re suddenly getting more Spam than the Hormel outlet store.
- Sotheby’s says the Rembrandt is yours and that you now owe them $71,000,000 and change.
- Terse “Knock it off, Oedipus” email from your Mom.
- Your wife calls you at the office to report that Pogdi, your Pakistani mail-order bride, has arrived.
- “The resistance welcomes your involvement. Your contact information has been forwarded to a local insurgent who will bring supplies and reinforcements to you immediately.”
Previously long phrase: “Goodness, it’s been a long time since we’ve chatted, hasn’t it?”
Previously long phrase: “Say, have you heard that there is a new Evelyn Wood’s speed-typing course?”
Previously long phrase: “Are you sure about that?”
Previously long phrase: “So, what have you been up to lately, Bugs?”
Previously long phrase: “Wouldn’t you rather just type the whole phrase out?”
- You wake up at 3 am to go the bathroom and stop to check your email on the way back to bed.
- You name your children Eudora, Aol and Dotcom.
- You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
- You spend half of the plane ride with your laptop on your lap…and your child in the overhead compartment.
- You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free Internet access.
- You laugh at people with 33.6 baud modems.
- You start using smileys in your snail mail.
- You find yourself typing “com” after every period when using a word processor.com
- You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
- You can’t call your mother…she doesn’t have a modem.
- You check your mail. It says “no new messages.” So you check it again.
- You don’t know what gender three of your closest friends are, because they have neutral screen names and you never bothered to ask.
- You move into a new house and decide to Netscape before you landscape.
- You tell the cab driver you live at http://1000.edison.garden/house/brick.html.
- You start tilting your head sideways to smile.
- After reading this message, you immediately email it to a friend.
- After forwarding this to everyone in your address book, you share it on Facebook.
Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it’s important that we keep mentally alert. The saying; “If you don’t use it, you will lose it,” also applies to the brain, so.. Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence. Take the following test and determine if you are losing it or are still “with it”
OK, relax, clear your mind and…. begin.
- What do you put in a toaster?
- Say “silk” five times. Now spell “silk.” What do cows drink?
- If a red house is made from red bricks, and a blue house is made from blue bricks, and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house iis made from black bricks, what is a greenhouse made from?
- Forty years ago, a plane was flying at 20,000 feet over Germany. If you recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany. Anyway, during the flight, TWO of the engines failed. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the third engine fails before he has time to attempt an emergency landing, and the plane crashes smack in the middle of “no man’s land” between East Germany and West Germany. Where would you bury the survivors? In East Germany or West Germany or in “no man’s land”?
- If the hour hand on a clock moves 1/60 of a degree every minute how many degrees will the hour hand move in one hour?
- Without using a calculator — You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, six people get off the bus, and nine people get on. In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on. In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus driver?
Answer: “bread.” If you said “toast,” then give up now and go do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, “bread,” go to Question 2.
Answer: Cows drink water. If you said “milk,” please do not attempt the next question. Your brain is obviously over stressed and may even overheat. It may be that you need to content yourself with reading something more appropriate, such as “Children’s World.” If you said “water,” proceed to question 3.
Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said, “green bricks,” what the devil are you still doing reading these questions????? If you said “glass,” then go on to Question 4.
Answer: You don’t, of course, bury survivors. If you said ANYTHING else, you are a real dunce and you must NEVER try to rescue anyone from a plane crash. Your efforts would not be appreciated. If you said, “Don’t bury the survivors,” proceed to question 5
Answer: One degree! If you said, “360 degrees” or anything other than “one degree,” you are to be congratulated on getting this far, but you are obviously out of your league. Turn in your pencil, and exit the room.
Everyone else proceed to the final question.
Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Don’t you remember? It was YOU!!
Now pass this along to all your “friends” and hope they do better then you did!
Summer is upon us, so BEWARE !!!!
Like you, I hate it when people forward bogus warnings…but this one is important. And you might want to forward this to those you care about. Or not.
If someone comes to your front door saying they are conducting a survey on deer ticks and asks you to take your clothes off and dance around with your arms up, DO NOT DO IT!!
IT IS A SCAM; they only want to see you naked.
I wish I’d gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid now.
Sometimes when you have a stressful day or week, you need some silliness to break up the day. Here is your dose…
The following is an excerpt from a children’s book, “Captain Underpants and the Perilous Plot of Professor Poopypants”, by Dav Pilkey:
The evil Professor forces everyone to assume new names…
Use the first letter of your first name to determine your NEW first name:
- a = stinky
- b = lumpy
- c = buttercup
- d = gidget
- e = crusty
- f = greasy
- g = fluffy
- h = cheeseball
- i = chim-chim
- j = poopsie
- k = flunky
- l = booger
- m = pinky
- n = zippy
- o = goober
- p = doofus
- q = slimy
- r = loopy
- s = snotty
- t = falafel
- u = dorkey
- v = squeezit
- w = oprah
- x = skipper
- y = dinky
- z = zsa-zsa
Use the first letter of your last name to determine the first half of your NEW last name:
- a = diaper
- b = toilet
- c = giggle
- d = bubble
- e = girdle
- f = barf
- g = lizard
- h = waffle
- i = cootie
- j = monkey
- k = potty
- l = liver
- m = banana
- n = rhino
- o = burger
- p = hamster
- q = toad
- r = gizzard
- s = pizza
- t = gerbil
- u = chicken
- v = pickle
- w = chuckle
- x = tofu
- y = gorilla
- z = stinker
Use the last letter of your last name to determine the second half of your NEW last name:
- a = head
- b = mouth
- c = face
- d = nose
- e = tush
- f = breath
- g = pants
- h = shorts
- i = lips
- j = honker
- k = butt
- l = brain
- m = tushie
- n = chunks
- o = hiney
- p = biscuits
- q = toes
- r = buns
- s = fanny
- t = sniffer
- u = sprinkles
- v = kisser
- w = squirt
- x = humperdinck
- y = brains
- z = juice
Thus, for example, George Bush’s new name is Fluffy Toiletshorts and Barack Obama is Lumpy Burgerdiaper. Go figure. 🙂
Now when you forward this, use your new name as the title of the subject line.
A huge thanks to Dav Pilkey for the Captain Underpants series and this Captain Underpants Name Game.
Copyright © 1997-2002 by Dav Pilkey
Dedicated to Erin.. Chica, I will always remember the good times!
My Dear Husband,
I am sending you this letter via this internet communications thing, so that you will be sure to read it. Please forgive the deception, but I thought you should know what has been going on at home since your computer entered our lives TWO YEARS AGO. The children are doing well. Tommy is seven now and is a bright, handsome boy. He has developed quite an interest in the arts. He drew a family portrait for a school project, all the figures were good, and the back of your head is very realistic. You should be very proud of him.
Little Jennifer turned three in September. She looks a lot like you did at that age. She is an attractive child and quite smart. She still remembers that you spent the whole afternoon with us on her birthday. What a grand day for Jenny, despite the fact that it was stormy and the electricity was out.
I am doing well. I went blonde about a year ago, and discovered that it really is more fun! George, I mean, Mr. Wilson the department head, has uh, taken an interest in my career and has become a good friend to us all.
I discovered that the household chores are much easier since I realized that you didn’t mind being vacuumed but that feather dusting made you sneeze. The house is in good shape. I had the living room painted last spring; I’m sure you noticed it. I made sure that the painters cut holes in the drop sheet so you wouldn’t be disturbed.
Well, my dear, I must be going. Uncle George, uh, Mr. Wilson, I mean, is taking us all on a ski trip and there is packing to do. I have hired a housekeeper to take care of things while we are away, she’ll keep things in order, fill your coffee cup and bring your meals to your desk, just the way you like it. I hope you and the computer will have a lovely time while we are gone. Tommy, Jenny and I will think of you often. Try to remember us while your computer is booting.
Take this cute chocolate test to find out about yourself! When you send this e-mail on, put your candy bar in the subject box above! Also, send it back to the person who sent it to you!
If you were buying candy and you had your choice of the following, which would you choose?
- Clark Bar
- Three Musketeers
- Almond Joy
- Baby Ruth
- Good ‘n’ Plenty
- Energy Bar
- Chocolate Coated Raisins
OK – Now that you’ve made your choice, this is what research says about you! NO . . . you can’t change your mind once you scroll down so think carefully what your choice will be!
NOW . . . scroll down!
- Baby Ruth
Sweet, loving, cuddly. You love all warm fuzzy items. A little nutty. Sometimes you need an ice cream cone at the end of the day.
- Three Musketeers
You are adventurous, love new ideas, are a champion of underdogs and a slayer of dragons. When tempers flare up, you whip out your saber.
Smooth and articulate, you are an excellent after-dinner speaker and a good teacher. But don’t try to walk and chew gum at the same time.
Fun-loving, sassy, humorous. Everyone enjoys being around you, but you are a practical joker. Others should be cautious in shaking hands!
Romantic, warm, loving. You care about other people and can be counted on in a pinch. You tend to melt.
- Almond Joy
Sexy, always ready to give and receive, very energetic, and really likes to get into life. The opposite sex is always attracted to you.
- Clark Bar
You like sports, whether baseball, football, basketball, or soccer. If you could, you would like to participate, but enjoy watching sports. You don’t like to give up the remote control.
- Good ‘n’ Plenty
You are a very fun loving person, who likes to laugh. You are fun to be with. People like to hang out with you. You are a very warm hearted person.
- Energy Bar
Life is passing you by. Get a life! Go eat a plum.
- Chocolate Coated Raisins
You go to the bathroom often.
Find your birthday and then find your tree. This is really cool and somewhat accurate, also in line with Celtic astrology. Then send it to all your friends, including the one that sent it to you, so they can find out what trees they fell from, but don’t forget to change the subject line to your tree.
- Dec 23 to Jan 1 — Apple Tree
- Jan 02 to Jan 11 — Fir Tree
- Jan 12 to Jan 24 — Elm Tree
- Jan 25 to Feb 03 — Cypress Tree
- Feb 04 to Feb 08 — Poplar Tree
- Feb 09 to Feb 18 — Cedar Tree
- Feb 19 to Feb 28 — Pine Tree
- Mar 01 to Mar 10 — Weeping Willow Tree
- Mar 11 to Mar 20 — Lime Tree
- Mar 21 (only) — Oak Tree
- Mar 22 to Mar 31 — Hazelnut Tree
- Apr 01 to Apr 10 — Rowan Tree
- Apr 11 to Apr 20 — Maple Tree
- Apr 21 to Apr 30 — Walnut Tree
- May 01 to May 14 — Poplar Tree
- May 15 to May 24 — Chestnut Tree
- May 25 to Jun 03 — Ash Tree
- Jun 04 to Jun 13 — Hornbeam Tree
- Jun 14 to Jun 23 — Fig Tree
- Jun 24 (only) — Birch Tree
- Jun 25 to Jul 04 — Apple Tree
- Jul 05 to Jul 14 — Fir Tree
- Jul 15 to Jul 25 — Elm Tree
- Jul 26 to Aug 04 — Cypress Tree
- Aug 05 to Aug 13 — Poplar Tree
- Aug 14 to Aug 23 — Cedar Tree
- Aug 24 to Sep 02 — Pine Tree
- Sep 03 to Sep 12 — Weeping Willow Tree
- Sep 13 to Sep 22 — Lime Tree
- Sep 23 (only) — Olive Tree
- Sep 24 to Oct 03 — Hazelnut Tree
- Oct 04 to Oct 13 — Rowan Tree
- Oct 14 to Oct 23 — Maple Tree
- Oct 24 to Nov 11 — Walnut Tree
- Nov 12 to Nov 21 — Chestnut Tree
- Nov 22 to Dec 01 — Ash Tree
- Dec 02 to Dec 11 — Hornbeam Tree
- Dec 12 to Dec 21 — Fig Tree
- Dec 22 (only) — Beech Tree
YOUR TREE (in alphabetical order)
Apple Tree (Love) — quiet and shy at times, lots of charm, appeal, and attraction, pleasant attitude, flirtatious smile, adventurous, sensitive, loyal in love, wants to love and be loved, faithful and tender partner, very generous, many talents, loves children, needs affectionate partner.
Ash Tree (Ambition) — extremely attractive, vivacious, impulsive, demanding, does not care for criticism, ambitious, intelligent, talented, likes to play with fate, can be very egotistic, reliable, restless lover, sometimes money rules over the heart, demands attention, needs love and much emotional support.
Beech Tree (Creative) — has good taste, concerned about its looks, materialistic, good organization of life and career, economical, good leader, takes no unnecessary risks, reasonable, splendid lifetime companion, keen on keeping fit (diets, sports, etc.).
Birch Tree (Inspiration) — vivacious, attractive, elegant, friendly, unpretentious, modest, does not like anything in excess, abhors the vulgar, loves life in nature and in calm, not very passionate, full of imagination, little ambition, creates a calm and content atmosphere.
Cedar Tree (Confidence) — of rare strength, knows how to adapt, likes unexpected presents, of good health, not in the least shy, tends to look down on others, self-confident, a great speaker, determined, often impatient, likes to impress others, has many talents, industrious, healthy optimism, waits for the one true love, able to make quick decisions.
Chestnut Tree (Honesty) — of unusual stature, impressive, well-developed sense of justice, fun to be around, a planner, born diplomat, can be irritated easily, sensitive of others feelings, hard worker, sometimes acts superior, feels not understood at times, fiercely family oriented, very loyal in love, physically fit.
Cypress Tree (Faithfulness) — strong, muscular, adaptable, takes what life has to give but doesn’t necessarily like it, strives to be content, optimistic, wants to be financially independent, wants love and affection, hates loneliness, passionate lover which cannot be satisfied, faithful, quick-tempered at times, can be unruly and careless, loves to gain knowledge, needs to be needed.
Elm Tree (Noble-mindedness) — pleasant shape, tasteful clothes, modest demands, tends not to forgive mistakes, cheerful, likes to lead but not to obey, honest and faithful partner, likes making decisions for others, noble-minded, generous, good sense of humor, practical.
Fig Tree (Sensibility) — very strong minded, a bit self-willed, honest, loyal, independent, hates contradiction or arguments, hard worker when wants to be, loves life and friends, enjoys children and animals, few sexual relationships, great sense of humor, has artistic talent and great intelligence.
Fir Tree (Mysterious) — extraordinary taste, handles stress well, loves anything beautiful, stubborn, tends to care for those close to them, hard to trust others, yet a social butterfly, likes idleness and laziness after long demanding hours at work, rather modest, talented, unselfish, many friends, very reliable.
Hazelnut Tree (Extraordinary) — charming, sense of humor, very demanding but can also be very understanding, knows how to make a lasting impression, active fighter for social causes and politics, popular, quite moody, sexually oriented, honest, a perfectionist, has a precise sense of judgment
and expects complete fairness.
Hornbeam Tree (Good Taste) — of cool beauty, cares for its looks and condition, good taste, is not egoistic, makes life as comfortable as possible, leads a reasonable and disciplined life, looks for kindness and acknowledgment in an emotional partner, dreams of unusual lovers, is seldom happy with its feelings, mistrusts most people, is never sure of its decisions, very conscientious.
Lime Tree (Doubt) – intelligent, hard working, accepts what life dishes out, but not before trying to change bad circumstances into good ones, hates fighting and stress, enjoys getaway vacations, may appear tough, but is actually soft and relenting, always willing to make sacrifices for family and friends, has many talents but not always enough time to use them, can become a complainer, great leadership qualities, is jealous at times but extremely loyal.
Maple Tree (Independence of Mind) — no ordinary person, full of imagination and originality, shy and reserved, ambitious, proud, self-confident, hungers for new experiences, sometimes nervous, has many complexities, good memory, learns easily, complicated love life, wants to impress.
Oak Tree (Brave) — robust nature, courageous, strong, unrelenting, independent, sensible, does not like change, keeps its feet on the ground, person of action.
Olive Tree (Wisdom) — loves sun, warmth and kind feelings, reasonable, balanced, avoids aggression and violence, tolerant, cheerful, calm, well-developed sense of justice, sensitive, empathetic, free of jealousy, loves to read and the company of sophisticated people.
Pine Tree (Peacemaker) — loves agreeable company, craves peace and harmony, loves to help others, active imagination, likes to write poetry, not fashion conscious, great compassion, friendly to all, falls strongly in love but will leave if betrayed or lied to, emotionally soft, low self esteem, needs affection and reassurance.
Poplar Tree (Uncertainty) — looks very decorative, talented, not very self-confident, extremely courageous if necessary, needs goodwill and pleasant surroundings, very choosy, often lonely, great animosity, great artistic nature, good organizer, tends to lean toward philosophy, reliable in any situation, takes partnership seriously.
Rowan Tree (Sensitivity) — full of charm, cheerful, gifted without egoism, likes to draw attention, loves life, motion, unrest, and even complications, is both dependent and independent, good taste, artistic, passionate, emotional, good company, does not forgive.
Walnut Tree (Passion) — unrelenting, strange and full of contrasts, often egotistic, aggressive, noble, broad horizon, unexpected reactions, spontaneous, unlimited ambition, no flexibility, difficult and uncommon partner, not always liked but often admired, ingenious strategist, very jealous and passionate, no compromise.
Weeping Willow (Melancholy) – likes to be stress free, loves family life, full of hopes and dreams, attractive, very empathetic, loves anything beautiful, musically inclined, loves to travel to exotic places, restless, capricious, honest, can be influenced but is not easy to live with when pressured, sometimes demanding, good intuition, suffers in love until they find that one loyal, steadfast partner; loves to make others laugh.
- @TEOTD — At The End Of The Day
- 14AA41 — One for All and All for One
- 2Bornot2B — To Be Or Not To Be
- 2NITE — Tonight
- 411 — info
- 4ever — Forever
- 86 — Out Of or Over
- AAAAA — American Association Against Acronym Abuse
- AAF — As A Friend
- AAK — Asleep At Keyboard
- AAMOF — As A Matter Of Fact
- AAMOI — As A Matter Of Interest
- AAR — At Any Rate
- AAR8 — At Any Rate
- AAS — Alive And Smiling
- AATK — Always At The Keyboard
- AAYF — As Always, Your Friend
- ABITHIWTIDB — A bird In The Hand Is Worth Two In The Bush
- ABT2 — About To
- ACD — Alt Control Delete
- ACE — Access Control Entry
- ACK — Acknowledgement
- ADAD — Another Day Another Dollar
- ADBB — All Done Bye Bye
- ADIH — Another Day In Hell
- ADIP — Another Day In Paradise
- ADR — Address
- AEAP — As Early As Possible
- AFAGAY — A Friend As Good As You
- AFAHMASP — A Fool And His Money Are Soon Parted
- AFAIC — As Far As I’m Concerned
- AFAICS — As Far As I Can See
- AFAICT — As far As I can Tell
- AFAIK — As Far As I Know
- AFAIU — As Far As I Understand
- AFAIUI — As Far As I Understand It
- AFAP — As Far As Possible
- AFAYC — As Far As You’re Concerned
- AFC — Away From Computer
- AFDN — Any F***ing Day Now
- AFIAA — As Far As I Am Aware
- AFINIAFI — A Friend In Need Is A Friend Indeed
- AFK — Away From Keyboard
- AFZ — Acronym free zone
- AGKWE — And God Knows What Else
- AIAMU — And I’m A Monkey’s Uncle
- AIH — As It Happens
- AIMB — As I Mentioned Before
- AIMP — Always In My Prayers
- AISE — As I Said Earlier
- AISI — As I See It
- AKA or a.k.a. — Also Known As
- ALAP — As Late As Possible
- ALOL — Actually Laughing Out Loud
- ALTG — Act Locally, Think Globally
- AMAP — As Many As Possible
- AMBW — All My Best Wishes
- AML — All My Love
- AND — Any day now
- ANFAWFOWS — And Now For A Word Word From Our Web Sponsor
- ANFSCD — And Now For Something Completely Different
- AOAS — All Of A Sudden
- AOB — Abuse Of Bandwidth
- AP — Apple Pie
- ASAFP — As Soon As “Friggin” Possible
- ASAP — As Soon As Possible
- ASL — Age/Sex/Location
- ASLMH — Age/Sex/Location/Music/Hobbies
- ATST — At The Same Time
- ATW — All the Web or Around the Web
- AWGTHTGTTA — Are We Going To Have To Go Through This Again
- AWGTHTGTTSA — Are We Going To Have To Go Through This Sh** Again
- AWOL — Absent Without Leave
- AYK — As You Know
- AYSOS — — Are You Stupid Or Something
- AYTMTB — And You’re Telling Me This Because?
- B/C — Because
- B4 — Before
- B4N — Bye For Now
- B4U — Before You
- B4YKI — Before You Know It
- BAG — Bursting A Gut
- BAK — — Back At my Keyboard
- BAU — Business As Usual
- BB4N — Bye-Bye for Now
- BBBG — Bye Bye Be Good
- BBFBBM — Body By Fisher, Brains By Mattel
- BBFN — Bye-Bye for Now
- BBIAB — Be Back In A Bit
- BBIAF — Be Back In A Few
- BBIAS — Be Back In A Sec
- BBIAW — Be Back In A While
- BBL — Be Back Later
- BBN — Bye Bye Now
- BBSD — Be Back Soon Darling
- BBSL — Be Back Sooner or Later
- BBT — Be Back Tomorrow
- BCBS — Big Company, Big School
- BCNU — Be Seein’ You
- BCOZ — Because
- BD — Big Deal
- BDC — Big Dumb Company or Big Dot Com
- BDN — Big Damn Number
- BEG — Big, Evil Grin
- BEOS — Nudge
- BFD — Big F***ing Deal
- BFF — Best Friends Forever
- BFN — Bye For Now
- BHOF — Bald Headed Old Fart
- BIF — Basis In Fact or Before I Forget
- BIOYN — Blow it Out Your Nose
- BITD — Back In The Day
- BKA — Better Known As
- BM — Byte Me
- BMOTA — Byte Me On The Ass
- BNF — Big Name Fan
- BOHICA — Bend Over Here It Comes Again
- BR — Bathroom
- BRB — Be Right Back
- BRT — Be Right There
- BSF — But Seriously, Folks
- BT — Byte This
- BTA — But Then Again or Before The Attacks
- BTDT — Been There Done That
- BTDTGTS — Been There, Done That, Got The T-shirt
- BTHOOM — Beats The Heck Out Of Me
- BTSOOM — Beats The Sh** Out Of Me
- BTW — By The Way
- BTWBO — Be There With Bells On
- BW — Best Wishes
- BWDIK — But What Do I Know?
- BWO — Black, White or Other
- BYKT — But you Knew That
- C/P — Cross Post
- CB — Chat brat
- CFV — Call For Vote
- CIAO — Goodbye (in Italian)
- CID — Consider It Done
- CIS — CompuServe Information Service
- CMF — Count My Fingers
- CMIW — Correct Me if I’m Wrong
- COB — Close Of Business
- CofS — Church of Scientology
- C-P — Sleepy
- CRAP — Cheap Redundant Assorted Products
- CRAT — Can’t Remember A Thing
- CRS — Can’t Remember Sh**
- CRTLA — Can’t Remember the Three-Letter Acronym
- CSL — Can’t Stop Laughing
- C-T — City
- CU — See You
- CUL — See You Later
- CUL8ER — See You Later
- CUL8R — See You Later
- CUNS — See You In School!
- CWYL — Chat With You Later
- CY — Calm Yourself
- CYA — Cover Your Ass
- CYL — See You Later
- CYT — See You Tomorrow
- DARFC — Ducking And Running For Cover
- DAU — Dumb A$$ User
- DBEYR — Don’t Believe Everything You Read
- DD — Due Diligence
- DDD — Direct Distance Dial
- DETI — Don’t Even Think It
- DF — Dear Friend
- DGA — Don’t Go Anywhere
- DGT — Don’t Go There
- DH — Dear Hubby or Husband
- DHYB — Don’t Hold Your Breath
- DIKU — Do I Know You
- DIY — Do It Yourself
- DKDC — Don’t Know Don’t Care
- DL — Download
- DLTM — Don’t Lie To Me
- DMI — Don’t Mention It
- DNC — Does Not Compute
- DQYDJ — Don’t Quit Your Day Job
- DRIB — Don’t Read If Busy
- DUST — Did You See That?
- DWYM — Does What You Mean
- DYJHIW — Don’t You Just Hate it When…
- DYSTSOTT — Did You See The Size Of That Thing
- E123 — Easy as One, Two, Three
- EAK — Eating at Keyboard
- EG — Evil Grin
- EL — Evil Laugh
- EM? — Excuse Me?
- EOD — End Of Day
- EOM — End Of Message
- ESO — Equipment Smarter than Operator
- EULA — End-User License Agreement
- EWI — E-mailing While Intoxicated
- EZ — Easy
- F2F — Face-to-Face
- FAB — Features Attributes Benefits
- FAQL — Frequently Asked Questions List
- FAWC — For Anyone Who Cares
- FBKS — Failure Between Keyboard and Seat
- FE — Fatal Error
- FF — Friends Forever
- FF&PN — Fresh Fields and Pastures New
- FISH — First in, Still Here
- FITB — Fill in the Blanks
- FOAF — Friend Of A Friend
- FOC — Free of Charge
- FOFL — Falling on Floor Laughing
- FTASB — Faster Than A Speeding Bullet
- FTL — Faster Than Light
- FTTB — For The Time Being
- FUBAR — Fouled up Beyond All Recognition
- FUD — Fear, Uncertainty, and Disinformation
- FWD — Forward
- FWIW — For What It’s Worth
- FYA — For Your Amusement
- FYI — For Your Information
- FYM — For Your Misinformation
- GA — Go Ahead
- GAL — Get A Life
- GALGAL — Give A Little Get A Little
- GBH — Great Big Hug
- GD&R — Grinning, Ducking and Running
- GG — Good Game (or) Gotta Go
- GGN — Gotta Go Now
- GIGO — Garbage In, Garbage Out
- GIWIST — Gee, I Wish I’d Said That
- GL — Good Luck
- GLYASDI — God Loves You And So Do I
- GMTA — Great Minds Think Alike
- GMTFT — Great Minds Think For Themselves
- GNBLFY — Got Nothing But Love For You
- GOK — God Only Knows
- GR&D — Grinning Running And Ducking
- GR8 — Great
- GRRRR — Growling
- GTG — Got To Go
- GTGB — Got To Go, Bye
- GTGP — Got To Go Pee
- GTH — Go To Hell
- GTSY — Glad To See Ya
- HAGD — Have a Great Day
- HAGO — Have A Good One
- HAK — Hugs And Kisses
- HAND — Have a Nice Day
- HB — Hurry Back
- HD — Hold
- HF — Hello, Friend
- HHO1/2K — Ha Ha, Only Half Kidding
- HHOJ — Ha-Ha, Only Joking
- HHOK — Ha Ha, Only Kidding
- HHOS — Ha-Ha, Only Being Serious
- HHTYAY — Happy Holidays To You And Yours
- HIH — Hope It Helps
- HIOOC — Help! I’m Out Of Coffee
- HOHA — Hollywood HAcker
- HTH — Hope This (or That) Helps
- HUA — Heads Up Ace
- HUGZ — Hugs
- I 1-D-R — I Wonder
- IAC — In Any Case
- IAC — In Any Case
- IAE — In Any Event
- IAITS — It’s All In The Subject
- IANAC — I Am Not A Crook
- IANAE — I Am Not an Expert
- IANAL — I Am Not A Lawyer
- IAT — I Am Tired
- IBRB — I Will Be Right Back
- IBT — In Between Technology
- IBTD — I Beg To Differ
- IC — In Character
- ICBW — I Could Be Wrong
- ID10T — Idiot
- IDGI — I Don’t Get It
- IDK — I Don’t Know
- IDKY — I Don’t Know You
- I-D-L — Ideal
- IDM — It Does Not Matter
- IDST — I Didn’t Say That
- IDTS — I Don’t Think So
- IEF — It’s Esther’s Fault
- IFAB — I Found A Bug
- IGTP — I Get The Point
- IHAIM — I Have Another Instant Message
- IHNO — I Have No Opinion
- IIIO — Intel Inside, Idiot Outside
- IIMAD — If It Makes A(ny) Difference
- IIR — If I Remember or If I Recall
- IIRC — If I Remember Correctly or If I Recall Correctly
- IIWM — If It Were Me
- ILICISCOMK — I Laughed, I Cried, I Spat/Spilt Coffee/Crumbs/Coke On My Keyboard
- ILU — I Love You
- ILY — I Love You
- IM — Instant Messaging
- IMHO — In My Humble Opinion
- IMNSHO — In My Not So Humble Opinion
- IMO — In My Opinion
- IMS — I Am Sorry
- INMP — It’s Not My Problem
- INNW — If Not Now, When
- INPO — In No Particular Order
- IOH — I’m Outta Here
- IOW — In Other Words
- IRL — In Real Life
- ISS — I Said So
- ISTM — It Seems to Me
- ISTR — I Seem To Remember
- ISWYM — I See What You Mean
- ITM — In The Money
- IUM — If You Must
- IYKWIM — If You Know What I Mean
- IYKWIMAITYD — If You Know What I Mean And I Think You Do
- IYO — In Your Opinion
- IYSS — If You Say So
- IYSWIM — If You See What I Mean
- J/C — Just Checking
- J/K — Just Kidding!
- J/W — Just Wondering
- JAD — Just Another day
- JAM — Just a Minute
- JK — Just Kidding
- JM2C — Just My 2 Cents
- JOOTT — Just One Of Those Things
- JT — Just Teasing
- K — Okay or All Right
- KBD — Keyboard
- KEWL — Cool
- KFY — Kiss For You
- KIR — Keep It Real
- KISS — Keep It Simple Stupid
- KIT — Keep In Touch
- KOK — Knock
- KOTC — Kiss On The Cheek
- KOTL — Kiss On The Lips
- KWIM — Know What I Mean
- L8R — Later
- LD — Long Distance
- LDTTWA — Let’s Do The Time Warp Again
- LIFO — Last In First Out
- LLTA — Lots And Lots Of Thunderous Applause
- LMK — Let Me Know
- LOL — Laughing Out Loud -or- Lots of Luck (or Love)
- LOLA — Laugh Out Loud Again
- LOOL — Laughing Outragously Out Loud
- LOPSOD — Long On Promises, Short On Delivery
- LRF — Little Rubber Feet
- LTIC — Laughing ‘Til I Cry
- LTNS — Long Time No See
- LWR — Launch When Ready
- LYL — Love Ya Lots
- LYLAB — Love You Like a Brother
- LYLAS — Love You Like A Sister
- M8 or M8s — Mate or Mates
- MFD — Multi-Function Device
- MHBFY — My Heart Bleeds For You
- MHOTY — My Hat’s Off To You
- MIHYAP — May I Have Your Attention Please
- MKOP — My Kind Of Place
- MM — Market Maker
- MMHA2U — My Most Humble Apologies To You
- MOMPL — One Moment Please
- MOO — Mud, Object-Oriented
- MOOS — Member Of The Opposite Sex
- MOSS — Member Of The Same Sex
- MOTAS — Member Of The Appropriate Sex
- MOTD — Message Of The Day
- MOTSS — Members Of The Same Sex
- MSG — Message
- MTBF — Mean Time Between Failure
- MTFBWY — May The Force Be With You
- MUBAR — Messed up Beyond All Recognition
- MWBRL — More Will Be Revealed Later
- MYOB — Mind Your Own Business
- N/A — Not Applicable -or- Not Affiliated
- N/T — No Text
- N2M — Not To Mention
- NALOPKT — Not A Lot of People Know That
- N-A-Y-L — In A While
- NAZ — Name, Address, Zip (also means Nasdaq)
- NBD — No Big Deal
- NBIF — No Basis In Fact
- NCG — New College Graduate
- N-E-1 — Anyone
- N-E-1 ER — Anyone Here?
- NG — New Game
- NIM — No Internal Message
- NIMBY — Not In My Back Yard
- NIMQ — Not In My Queue
- NM — Never Mind or Nothing Much
- NMP — Not My Problem
- NOYB — None Of Your Business
- NP — No Problem
- NQOCD — Not Quite Our Class Dear
- NRG — Energy
- NRN — No Reply Necessary
- NTK — Nice To Know
- NTYMI — Now That You Mention It
- NUFF — Enough Said
- NW — No Way!
- OAUS — On An Unrelated Subject
- OBTW — Oh By The Way
- OEM — Original Equipment Manufacturer
- OIC — Oh, I see
- OK — All Correct
- OLL — On-Line Love
- OMDB — Over My Dead Body
- OMG — Oh My Gosh
- OMIK — Open Mouth, Insert Keyboard
- ONNA — Oh No, Not Again
- ONNTA — Oh No, Not This Again
- OOC — Out Of Character
- OOF — Out Of Facility
- OOI — Out Of Interest
- OOO — Out Of Office
- OOTB — Out Of The Box -or- Out Of The Blue
- OOTC — Obligatory On Topic Comment
- OS — Operating System
- OT — Off Topic
- OTOH — On the Other Hand
- OTP — On the Phone
- OTT — Over the Top
- OTTOMH — Off the Top of my Head
- OUSU — Oh, You Shut Up
- OWTTE — Or Words To That Effect
- OZ — stands for: Australia
- P&C — Private and Confidential
- PANS — Pretty Awesome New Stuff
- PD — Public Domain
- PDQ — Pretty Darn Quick
- PEBCAK — Problem Exists Between Chair And Keyboard
- PLS — Please
- PM — Personal Message
- PMFJI — Pardon Me For Jumping In
- PMIGBOM — Put Mind In Gear Before Opening Mouth
- PMJI — Pardon My Jumping In
- PONA — Person Of No Account
- POOF — Good-bye
- POS — Parent Over Shoulder
- POV — Point of View
- PS — Post Script
- PU — That Stinks
- P-ZA — Pizza
- QL — Quit Laughing!
- QS — Quit Scrolling
- QT — Cutie
- R&D — Research & Development
- R&R — Rest & Relaxation
- RAT — Remote(ly) Activated Trojan
- RBAY — Right Back At Ya
- RBTL — Read Between The Lines
- RE — Regards or Hello Again
- RFD — Request For Discussion
- RL — Real Life
- RLF — Real Life Friend
- RMLB — Read My Lips Baby
- RMMM — Read My Mail Man!
- RN — Right Now!
- ROFL — Rolling on the Floor Laughing
- ROFLMAO — Rolling on the Floor Laughing My A$$ Off
- ROTFL — Rolling On The Floor Laughing
- ROTFLOL — Rolling On The Floor Laughing Out Loud
- ROTM — Right On The Money
- RSN — Real Soon Now
- RTBS — Reason To Be Single
- RTFAQ — Read the FAQ File
- RTFM — Read the Freakin’ Manual!
- RTK — Return To Keyboard
- RU — Are You?
- RUOK — Are you Okay?
- RUUP4IT — Are You Up For It
- RX — Regards
- S2R — Send To Receive
- S4L — Spam For Life
- SBTA — Sorry, Being Thick Again
- SCNR — Sorry, Could Not Resist
- SED — Said Enough Darling
- SEP — Somebody Else’s Problem
- SF — Surfer Friendly or Science Fiction
- SFAIAA — So Far As I Am Aware
- SFETE — Smiling From Ear To Ear
- SFX — Sound Effects
- SITCOMs — Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage
- SITD — Still In The Dark
- SLIRK — Smart Little Rich Kid
- SMAIM — Send Me An Instant Message
- SME — Subject Matter Expert
- SMEM — Send Me E-Mail
- SNAG — Sensitive New Age Guy
- SNERT — Snotty Nosed Egotistical Rotten Teenager
- SO — Significant Other (ie., spouse, boy/girlfriend)
- SOHF — Sense Of Humor Failure
- SOP — Standard Operating Procedure
- SRO — Standing Room Only
- SSDD — Same Sh** Different Day
- SSEWBA — Someday Soon, Everything Will Be Acronyms
- STFU — Shut The F*** Up
- STM — Spank The Monkey
- STR8 — Straight
- STYS — Speak To You Soon
- SUYF — Shut Up You Fool
- SWAK — Sent (or Sealed) With A Kiss
- SWALK — Sealed With A Loving Kiss
- SWDYT — So What Do You Think?
- SYS — See You Soon
- TAFN — That Is All for Now
- TAH — Take A Hike
- TANSTAAFL — There Ain’t No Such Thing As A Free Lunch
- TBA — To Be Advised
- TBC — To Be Continued
- TCB — The Trouble Came Back!
- TDM — Too Darn Many
- TEOTWAWKI — The End Of The World As We Know It
- TFDS — That is For Darn Sure
- TFN — Thanks For Nothing -or- Til Further Notice
- TFX — Traffic
- TGIF — Thank God it Is Friday
- THX or TX or THKS — Thanks
- TIA — Thanks In Advance
- TIAIL — Think I Am In Love
- TIC — Tongue In Cheek
- TK — To Come
- TLA — Three Letter Acronym
- TLGO — The List Goes On
- TLK-2-U-L-8-R — Talk to You Later
- TM — Trust Me
- TMI — Too Much Information
- TMTOWTDI — There’s More Than One Way To Do It
- TNA — Temporarily Not Available
- TNC — Tongue In Cheek
- TNX — Thanks
- TOM — Tomorrow
- TOT — Tons of Time
- TP — Team Player
- TPC — The Phone Company
- TPTB — The Powers That Be
- TSR — Totally Stuck in RAM
- TTFN — Ta Ta For Now
- TTG — Time to Go
- TTS — Text to Speech
- TTT — That’s The Ticket -or- To The Top
- TTUL — Talk to You Later
- TTYL — Talk To You Later
- TVN — Thank You Very Much
- TWHAB — This Won’t Hurt A Bit
- TWIMC — To Whom it may Concern
- TXS — Thanks
- TY — Thank You
- TYVM — Thank You Very Much
- U — You
- U2 — You Too?
- U-L — You Will
- unPC — unPolitically Correct
- UPOD — Under Promise Over Deliver
- UR — You Are
- UR WS — You Are Wise
- URYY4M — You Are Too Wise For Me
- VBG — Very Big Grin
- VBS — Very Big Smile
- VC — Venture Capital
- VEG — Very Evil Grin
- VFM — Value For Money
- VM — Voice Mail
- VRBS — Virtual Reality Bull Sh*t
- VSF — Very Sad Face
- W/O — Without
- WAD — Without A Doubt
- WAI — What An Idiot
- WAMBAM — Web Application Meets Brick And Mortar
- WB — Welcome Back or Write Back
- WBS — Write Back Soon
- WC — Who Cares?
- WCA — Who Cares Anyway
- WDYS — What Did You Say?
- WDYT — What Do You Think?
- WE — Whatever
- WEG — Wicked Evil Grin
- WF — Way Fun
- WFM — Works For Me
- WG — Wicked Grin
- WIIFM — What’s In It For Me?
- WISP — Winning Is So Pleasureable
- WIT — Wordsmith In Training
- WNOHGB — Were No One Has Gone Before
- WOG — Wise Old Guy
- WOMBAT — Waste Of Money, Brains And Time
- WRT — With Regard To or With Respect To
- WT — Without Thinking
- WTB — Want To Buy
- WTG — Way To Go!
- WTH — What the Heck
- WTTM — Without Thinking To Much
- WU? — What is Up
- WWY? — Where Were You?
- WX — Weather
- WYCM? — Will You Call Me?
- WYP — What’s Your Problem?
- WYS — Whatever You Say
- WYSIWYG — What You See Is What You Get
- WYSLPG — What You See Looks Pretty Good
- WYT — Whatever You Think
- WYWH — Wish You Were Here
- XME — Excuse Me
- XOXO — Hugs and Kisses
- YA — Yet Another
- YA yaya — Yet Another Ya-Ya (as in yo-yo)
- YACC — Yet Another Calendar Company
- YAFIYGI — You Asked For It You Got It
- YCT — Your Comment To
- YDKM — You Don’t Know Me
- YGBK — You Gotta Be Kiddin’
- YHM — You Have Mail
- YIC — Yours In Christ
- YKW? — You Know What?
- YMMV — Your Mileage May Vary
- YNK — You Never Know
- YOYO — You’re On Your Own
- YR — Yeah Right
- YSYD — Yeah, Sure You Do
- YTTT — You Telling The Truth?
- YW — You are Welcome
- YWIA — You’re Welcome In Advance
- YYSSW — Yeah Yeah Sure Sure Whatever
- ZZZ — Sleeping, Bored, Tired