One Day in Morocco

A small boy named Hameed lived in a village in Morocco. None of his classmates liked him because of his stupidity, especially his teacher, who was always yelling at him, “You are driving me crazy Hameed!”

One day Hameed’s mother came into school to check on how he was doing. The teacher told his mother honestly that her son is simply a disaster, always getting very low marks and that even she had never seen such a dumb boy in her entire teaching career! The mother was shocked at the feedback and immediately withdrew her son from the school and moved to another town.

25 years later, the teacher was diagnosed with an incurable heart disease. All the doctors strongly advised her to have an open heart operation, which only one surgeon could perform. Left with no other options, the teacher decided to have the operation, which was successful.

When she opened her eyes after the surgery she saw a handsome doctor smiling down at her. She wanted to thank him, but could not talk. Her face started to turn blue, she raised her hand, trying to tell him something but eventually died.

The doctor was shocked and was trying to work out what went wrong, when he turned around he saw our friend Hameed, working as a cleaner in the clinic, who had unplugged the oxygen equipment to connect his Hoover.

…don’t tell me you thought that Hameed became a doctor !?!

The Power of Persuasion

A ten-year-old boy was failing math. His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis, but to no avail. Finally, at the insistence of a family friend, they decided to enroll their son in a private Catholic school.

After the first day, the boy’s parents were surprised when he walked in after school with a stern, focused and very determined expression on his face, and went right past them straight to his room, where he quietly closed the door.

For nearly two hours he toiled away in his room – with math books strewn about his desk and the surrounding floor. He emerged long enough to eat, and after quickly cleaning his plate, went straight back to his room, closed the door, and worked feverishly at his studies until bedtime.

This pattern continued ceaselessly until it was time for the first quarter report card. The boy walked in with his report card — unopened — laid it on the dinner table and went straight to his room. Cautiously, his mother opened it, and to her amazement, she saw a bright red “A” under the subject of MATH.

Overjoyed, she and her husband rushed into their son’s room, thrilled at his remarkable progress. “Was it the nuns that did it?,” the father asked.

The boy only shook his head and said, “No.”

“Was it the one-on-one tutoring? The peer-mentoring?”


“The textbooks? The teachers? The curriculum?”

“Nope,” said the son. “On that first day, when I walked in the front door and saw that guy they nailed to the ‘plus sign,’ I just knew they meant business!”

8th Grade Final Exam – 1895

Remember when our grandparents, great-grandparents, and such stated that they only had an 8th-grade education? Well, check this out! Could any of us have passed the 8th grade in 1895?

This is the eighth-grade final exam from 1895 Salina, KS, USA. It was taken from the original document on file at the Smoky Valley Genealogical Society and Library in Salina, KS and reprinted by the Salina Journal. If you want more information or the answers to this test, please visit the Smoky Valley Genealogical Society’s website

8th Grade Final Exam: Salina, KS – 1895

  • Grammar (Time, one hour)
    1. Give nine rules for the use of Capital Letters.
    2. Name the Parts of Speech and define those that have no modifications.
    3. Define Verse, Stanza and Paragraph.
    4. What are the Principal Parts of a verb? Give Principal Parts of do, lie, lay and run.
    5. Define Case. Illustrate each Case.
    6. What is Punctuation? Give rules for principal marks of Punctuation.
    7. Write a composition of about 150 words and show therein that you understand the practical use of the rules of grammar.
  • Arithmetic (Time, 1.25 hours)
    1. Name and define the Fundamental Rules of Arithmetic.
    2. A wagon box is 2 ft. deep, 10 ft. long, and 3 ft. wide. How many bushels of wheat will it hold?
    3. If a load of wheat weighs 3942 lbs., what is it worth at 50 cts. a bushel, deducting 1050 lbs. for tare?
    4. District No. 33 has a valuation of $35,000. What is the necessary levy to carry on a school seven months at $50 per month and have $104 for incidentals?
    5. Find the cost of 6720 lbs. coal at $6.00 per ton.
    6. Find the interest of $512.60 for 8 months and 18 days at 7 percent.
    7. What is the cost of 40 boards, 12 inches wide and 16 feet long at $20 per meter?
    8. Find the bank discount on $300 for 90 days (no grace) at 10 percent.
    9. What is the cost of a square farm at $15 per acre, the distance around which is 640 rods?
    10. Write a Bank Check, a Promissory Note, and a Receipt.
  • U.S. History (Time, 45 minutes)
    1. Give the epochs into which U.S. History is divided.
    2. Give an account of the discovery of America by Columbus.
    3. Relate the causes and results of the Revolutionary War.
    4. Show the territorial growth of the United States.
    5. Tell what you can of the history of Kansas.
    6. Describe three of the most prominent battles of the Rebellion.
    7. Who were the following: Morse, Whitney, Fulton, Bell, Lincoln, Penn, and Howe?
    8. Name events connected with the following dates: 1607, 1620, 1800, 1849, 1865.
  • Orthography (Time, one hour)
    1. What is meant by the following: Alphabet, phonetic, orthography, etymology, syllabication?
    2. What are elementary sounds? How are they classified?
    3. What are the following and give examples of each: Trigraph, subvocals, diphthong, cognate letters, linguals?
    4. Give four substitutes for caret ‘u’.
    5. Give two rules for spelling words with final ‘e’. Name two exceptions under each rule.
    6. Give two uses of silent letters in spelling. Illustrate each.
    7. Define the following prefixes and use in connection with a word: Bi, dis, mis, pre, semi, post, non, inter, mono, sup
    8. Mark diacritically and divide into syllables the following, and name the sign that indicates the sound: Card, ball, mercy, sir, odd, cell, rise, blood, fare, last.
    9. Use the following correctly in sentences: cite, site, sight, fane, fain, feign, vane, vain, vein, raze, raise, rays.
    10. Write 10 words frequently mispronounced and indicate pronunciation by use of diacritical marks and by syllabication.
  • Geography (Time, one hour)
    1. What is climate? Upon what does climate depend?
    2. How do you account for the extremes of climate in Kansas?
    3. Of what use are rivers? Of what use is the ocean?
    4. Describe the mountains of North America.
    5. Name and describe the following: Monrovia, Odessa, Denver, Manitoba, Hecla, Yukon, St. Helena, Juan Fernandez, Aspinwall and Orinoco.
    6. Name and locate the principal trade centers of the U.S.
    7. Name all the republics of Europe and give the capital of each.
    8. Why is the Atlantic Coast colder than the Pacific in the same latitude?
    9. Describe the process by which the water of the ocean returns to the sources of rivers.
    10. Describe the movements of the earth. Give inclination of the earth.

  • Gives the saying of an early 20th century person that “she/he only had an 8th grade education” a whole new meaning, eh?

State of Arkansas 12th Grade Reading Test

Passage of this Test Mandatory for Diploma

    MR NOT
    MR NOT
    MR NOT
    MR NOT
    MR NOT
    NO JO

Murphy’s Laws of Teaching

  • The clock in the instructor’s room will be wrong.
  • Disaster will occur when visitors are in the room.
  • A subject interesting to the teacher will bore students.
  • The time a teacher takes in explaining is inversely proportional to the information retained by students.
  • A meeting’s length will be directly proportional to the boredom the speaker produces.
  • Students who are doing better are credited with working harder. If children start to do poorly, the teacher will be blamed.
  • The problem child will be a school board member’s son.
  • When the instructor is late, he will meet the principal in the hall. If the instructor is late and does not meet the principal, the instructor is late to the faculty meeting.
  • New students come from schools that do not teach anything.
  • Good students move away.
  • When speaking to the school psychologist, the teacher will say: “weirdo” rather than “emotionally disturbed.”
  • The school board will make a better pay offer before the teacher’s union negotiates.
  • The instructor’s study hall be the largest in several years.
  • The administration will veiw the study hall as the teacher’s preparation time.
  • Clocks will run more quickly during free time.
  • On a test day, at least 15% of the class will be absent
  • If the instructor teaches art, the principal will be an ex-coach and will dislike art. If the instructor is a coach, the principal will be an ex-coach who took a winning team to the state.
  • Murphy’s Law will go into effect at the beginning of an evaluation.

Ode to Finals Week

‘Twas the night before finals, and all through the college,
The students were praying for last minute knowledge.
Most were quite sleepy, but none touched their beds,
While visions of essays danced in their heads.

In my own apartment, I had been pacing,
And dreaded exams I soon would be facing.
My roommate was speechless, his nose in his books,
And my comments to him drew unfriendly looks.
I drained all the coffee, and brewed a new pot,
No longer caring that my nerves were shot.

I stared at my notes, but my thoughts were muddy,
My eyes went a blur, I just couldn’t study.
“Some pizza might help,” I said with a shiver,
But each place I called refused to deliver.
I’d nearly concluded that life was too cruel,
With futures depending on grades had in school.

When all of a sudden, our door opened wide,
And Patron Saint Put-It-Off ambled inside.
Her spirit was careless, her manner was mellow,
She wore a white toga, she started to bellow:
“What kind of student would make such a fuss,
To toss back at teachers what they tossed at us?”

“On Cliff Notes! On Crib Notes! On last year’s exams!
On Wingit and Slingit, and last minute crams!”
Her message delivered, she vanished from sight,
But we heard her laughing outside in the night.
“Your teachers have pegged you, so just do your best.
Happy finals to all, and to all, a good test!”

Hot Amish Spring Break Activities

  • Drink molasses till you heave.
  • Attend a Wet Bonnet contest.
  • Tear a page out of the room directory and totally trash it.
  • Throw a “Keg of Buttermilk” party.
  • Blow past the Dairy Queen on a really hot Clydesdale.
  • Get a tattoo that says: “Born to Raise Barns.”
  • Dare to wear a see-through smock to bed.
  • Sleep in until 6:00am.
  • Cop a glance, behind a checkout counter, of the front cover of a Playboy Magazine.
  • Churn butter naked.

You Might Be In Education If…

  • You believe the staff room should be equipped with a Valium salt lick.
  • You find humor in other people’s stupidity.
  • You want to slap the next person who says, “Must be nice to work from 8 to 3 and have your summers free!”
  • You believe chocolate is a food group.
  • You can tell it’s a full moon without ever looking outside.
  • You believe “shallow gene pool” should have its own box on the report card.
  • You believe that unspeakable evil will befall you if anyone says, “Boy, the kids sure are mellow today.”
  • When out in public you feel the urge to talk to strange children and correct their behavior.
  • You have no time for a life between August to June.
  • Marking all A’s on report cards would make your life SO much simpler.
  • When you mention “vegetables” you’re not talking about a food group.
  • You think people should be able to get a government permit before being
    allowed to reproduce.
  • You wonder how some parents ever MANAGED to reproduce.
  • You laugh uncontrollably when people refer to the staff room as the lounge.
  • You believe in aerial spraying of Prozac.
  • You encourage an obnoxious parent to check into charter schools or home
  • You believe no one should be permitted to reproduce without having taught in an elementary school setting for at least 5 years.
  • You’ve had your profession slammed by someone who would never DREAM of doing your job.
  • You can’t have children because there’s no name you could give a child that wouldn’t bring on high blood pressure the moment you uttered it.
  • You think caffeine should be available to staff in IV form.
  • You know you’re in for a MAJOR project when a parent says, “I have a great idea I’d like to discuss. I think it would be such fun!”
  • You smile weakly, but want to choke a person when they say, “Oh, you must have such fun everyday. It must be like playtime for you.”
  • Your personal life comes to a screeching halt at report card time.
  • Meeting a child’s parents instantly answers the question, “Why is this child like this?”

You Might Be A Physics Major If…

  • if you have no life – and you can PROVE it mathematically.
  • if you enjoy pain.
  • if you know vector calculus but you can’t remember how to do long division.
  • if you chuckle whenever anyone says “centrifugal force.”
  • if you’ve actually used every single function on your graphing calculator.
  • if when you look in a mirror, you see a physics major.
  • if it is sunny and 70 degrees outside, and you are working on a computer.
  • if you frequently whistle the theme song to “MacGyver.”
  • if you always do homework on Friday nights.
  • if you know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water.
  • if you think in “math.”
  • if you’ve calculated that the World Series actually diverges.
  • if you hesitate to look at something because you don’t want to break down its wave function.
  • if you have a pet named after a scientist.
  • if you laugh at jokes about mathematicians.
  • if the Humane society has you arrested because you actually performed the Schrodinger’s Cat experiment.
  • if you can translate English into Binary.
  • if you can’t remember what’s behind the door in the science building which says “Exit.”
  • if you have to bring a jacket with you, in the middle of summer, because there’s a wind-chill factor in the lab.
  • If you are completely addicted to caffeine.
  • if you avoid doing anything because you don’t want to contribute to the eventual heat-death of the universe.
  • if you consider ANY non-science course “easy.”
  • if when your professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so precisely, that according to Heisenberg it could be anywhere in the universe.
  • if the “fun” center of your brain has deteriorated from lack of use.
  • if you’ll assume that a “horse” is a “sphere” in order to make the math easier.
  • if you understood more than five of these indicators.
  • if you make a hard copy of this list, and post it on your door.

Writing for Money

A college student wrote a letter home:

Dear folks,

I feel miserable because I have to keep writing for money. I feel ashamed and unhappy to have to ask for another hundred, but every cell in my body rebels. I beg on bended knee that you forgive me.

Your son, Marvin.

P.S. I felt so terrible I ran after the mailman who picked this up in the box at the corner. I wanted to take this letter and burn it. I prayed that I could get it back. But it was too late.

A few days later he received a letter from his father. It said, “Your prayers were answered. Your letter never came.”